I dont chime in often...but here's a Christmas story for ya!
#1
12-27-2012 | 09:10 AM
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From: La Porte, Tx
I dont chime in often...but here's a Christmas story for ya!
I've been running around for several weeks being a thorn in the ol' lady's side saying all I want for Christmas is a Harley under my tree. It was kind of a teasing gesture since honestly I believed it bad timing and out of reach, but then everyone knows I’m a blowhard anyway with big ol' dreams. I even told the kids that if Santa comes in my house without one I was "gonna shoot that fat, red suit wearing son of a buck and every one of those damn reindeer in front of his sleigh!".
We kind of got in to the holiday spirit this year with the younger kiddo's being in our house this Christmas. Lots of stuff was under the tree and my ol' Lady had done a lot more than we really needed too. Every time she would come home she'd have another bag full of stuff and I'd just look at her down my nose with a raised eyebrow. She'd just drop her head n shoulders and giggle!
I know her and her daughter were getting in to the season. Every time I turned around they were somewhere huddled n whispering and soon as I'd walk by they'd get quiet n stare at me. Believe me, after a few weeks I was beginning to get a bit pissed off and maybe even a bit paranoid. Was I looking at my demise...they were gonna off me I was sure.
Well, the family came into town and the house has been full for several days. I was my usually grouchy old a$$hat wearin' self trying to stay out of the way and keep things under control. About middle of the day on Christmas Eve I decided I'd better make a vittle run and get a few things so we wouldn't have to worry about it Christmas day. I got back to the house and put the stuff away, shucked the boots and skirted the gang and kind of settled down in my chair and grabbed the remote.
About the time I got the recliner kicked out there was a knock on the door. I glanced and didn't see anyone and none of the other gang moved so i got up to go look. Opened the door gonna kick some solicitors a$$. No ones there, I craned my neck out the door and didn’t see anyone. “Someone’s playin’ damn games”, I said, and I noticed a note taped to the door. I grabbed it, glanced it over and didn’t really “read” it…tossed it at my wife. I hate games…and walked out the door to see if I could catch and hang whoever was playin’ games. Screw it, closed the door and proceeded back to my comfy spot on the couch.
The wife started reading the note back to me, “You think you’re Smart, but it doesn’t sHow, so here’s a tEst, To see what you know. Grab your keys, Go reaL fast, now Left to the place, you can buy gas”…I looked at her and said “I don’t play games, don’t feel like it”. She says, ”..go, get your keys and lets go. Come on we gotta see what it is!” I barked back, “no, besides it doesn’t make sense, I don’t turn left to get Gas. I go to freakin’ amigo mart on the corner..” She antagonized me a little bit to get my boots on, grab the keys and come on. Very grudgingly I relented and drug my grouchy a$$ out the door…saying “I don’t play freakin' word games, I suck at them.”
Out the door the ol’ lady and I go with me pitchin’ and bitchin’ the whole way…I don’t wanna play games…my body hurts and I’m tired. I suck at the damn things. Hell the first clue doesn’t even make sense to me, I don’t turn left for my damn gas. So off we go out the drive and in my peripheral vision I’m seeing her text away. Hmmm…daughter-in-law wasn’t home observation comes to mind. OK, so now we got something going. I just wanna go back to my damn chair and relax. Still mumbling about how I hate word games, I suck at em. The ol lady reassures me to relax and have fun with it and see where it leads.
So I drive to the main road and make a left…head on down and there’s a Shell gas station there and I turn in to the parking lot. I don’t see a damn thing out of the ordinary and said to her, “what the hell do I do now?” She comes back in with “maybe you should go inside and see if there’s another clue.” In my usual tone “Kathy, you know I hate this crap!” Inside I go and I see a gift with a matching note. After I get it from the clerk I read it. “Here’s a gift for all of your time, Lets see how fast you can figure this rhyme. If you’re smart, you’ll get this with ease, go to the place you wash your undies”
Well at least this clue makes some sense to me. I head on towards the laundry mat we use, meanwhile, while watching the wife text away. “You better tell Crystal to hurry up, so I don’t catch her..what are you two up too?” By now the expression on the old ladies face is like a bird that ate the canary. She usually pretty stone faced and solemn looking or got that “blonde” stare syndrome. But I can tell she’s choking down a pretty damn big grin and barely controlling herself.
Into the laundry mat I walk and there’s another gift perched there. Another clue reads, “You’re smarter than you look since you figured it out. But this one is harder without a doubt. Drive fast but don’t get hurt, Now to the place you wear your green shirt.” Out I drive and off to the store I work at. Shes a texting and I’m poking, tell her to go, Im gonna be there quick…I better not catch her. I’m getting in to the spirit of the deal a little bit now. My wifes expressions are very interesting and Im getting a bit curious what could deserve such a fuss. Of course, part is because the clues aren’t so cryptic for my old *** brain…fortunately.
I pull in to the shop and told her this might take a while, you know what kind of bullshitters we are. She asks me not to, just get it and lets keep moving. I go in, only gossiping for a minute which is definitely a record for us. Out I come with the next gift and clue. “This is certainly no time to bail. Go to where you drop off your mail.” I put the car in gear and off to the post office we go. Texting away I egg her on, “tell crystal to hide, Im gonna catch up, she better hurry!”
I ventured in to the post office. I’m getting a bit scared now…what the hell is this gonna end up being and how much more pecking around and I gonna have to do till its over. I grab the wrapped gift and the next clue that reads, “John and Ann are a few good friends and that is where your journey ends.” So now at this point my brain is churning. John and Ann are some good friends we’ve gone riding with on a few occasion. We’ve not really had the opportunity to be very social with all the overhead we’ve had in life. We also stick to ourselves on a daily basis. I pretty much realize that my old lady would have only involved them in something really big. There’s already a guilt starting to set in as my brain starts to churn on all the subtle observations I’ve made. All my squawking about shooting Santa and barking about only one thing I want for Christmas.
I start driving and its about five miles down the road to their house. I gotta admit, the ol’ ladies expression, that instinctive dark cloud building, I was excited now…but damn the guilt. If she did it, I’m gonna…well, hell I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I’m having a hard time believing she might have actually pulled something like this off if it turns out the way I’m beginning to think. I cant say anything because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or destroy her anticipation. I’m playing along silently with my brain churning like you wouldn’t believe…yes, even if I’m an a$$hat I do think on occasion.
I try to remember, its possible it could be anything…who knows for sure. When we approach the house I see my truck, our in-laws cars from back at the house and Johns truck parked outside, which is WAY out of character for him. I’m sucking down the anticipation, preparing for who knows what. With all this commotion I know its pretty important. I’m already thinking probably a bike now. If it is? Now comes the pressure of which one, what model, color…etc. My ol’ lady pesters me that all Harleys are the same to her, hell what’s she know, she rides a Kawa-sucky.
We get out of the car, not a soul in sight and kinda wait. I’m sure the garage door is gonna open. So I grab the ol’ ladies hand and guiltily raise my eyebrows like I’m begging for forgiveness with my expression…here starts the garage door…eternity…wait for it…surely she didn’t…its gonna be a washer/dryer…”OH MY GOD!”…a tire…fender…lowers…”HOLY COW!!!”
An amazing 2013 Electra Glide Limited…Chrome Yellow over black…she’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Im speechless…I can not imagine she pulled off this kind of surprise. She calls me snoopy. Im just freaking OCD and observant. She got away with this one. Its gorgeous! I’ve lived a long time accepting the humbler most cost effective side of things…make money and stuff stretch the best I can. I usually accept that something like a base model or slightly used would be more realistic…I daydream for bigger but am happy with what I have. BUT, she completely outdid herself…LOADED from the factory…its also the first NEW bike I’ve ever had in my life.
Everyone hugging me, congrats…my brain spinning in disbelief. GUILT set in instantly…we still have presents at home to unwrap…if only one of my friends and family who were consulted and knew about this would have at least put their hand on my shoulder and whispered, ”…you better go to Jareds!” (Payback is definitely coming by the way)
We kind of got in to the holiday spirit this year with the younger kiddo's being in our house this Christmas. Lots of stuff was under the tree and my ol' Lady had done a lot more than we really needed too. Every time she would come home she'd have another bag full of stuff and I'd just look at her down my nose with a raised eyebrow. She'd just drop her head n shoulders and giggle!
I know her and her daughter were getting in to the season. Every time I turned around they were somewhere huddled n whispering and soon as I'd walk by they'd get quiet n stare at me. Believe me, after a few weeks I was beginning to get a bit pissed off and maybe even a bit paranoid. Was I looking at my demise...they were gonna off me I was sure.
Well, the family came into town and the house has been full for several days. I was my usually grouchy old a$$hat wearin' self trying to stay out of the way and keep things under control. About middle of the day on Christmas Eve I decided I'd better make a vittle run and get a few things so we wouldn't have to worry about it Christmas day. I got back to the house and put the stuff away, shucked the boots and skirted the gang and kind of settled down in my chair and grabbed the remote.
About the time I got the recliner kicked out there was a knock on the door. I glanced and didn't see anyone and none of the other gang moved so i got up to go look. Opened the door gonna kick some solicitors a$$. No ones there, I craned my neck out the door and didn’t see anyone. “Someone’s playin’ damn games”, I said, and I noticed a note taped to the door. I grabbed it, glanced it over and didn’t really “read” it…tossed it at my wife. I hate games…and walked out the door to see if I could catch and hang whoever was playin’ games. Screw it, closed the door and proceeded back to my comfy spot on the couch.
The wife started reading the note back to me, “You think you’re Smart, but it doesn’t sHow, so here’s a tEst, To see what you know. Grab your keys, Go reaL fast, now Left to the place, you can buy gas”…I looked at her and said “I don’t play games, don’t feel like it”. She says, ”..go, get your keys and lets go. Come on we gotta see what it is!” I barked back, “no, besides it doesn’t make sense, I don’t turn left to get Gas. I go to freakin’ amigo mart on the corner..” She antagonized me a little bit to get my boots on, grab the keys and come on. Very grudgingly I relented and drug my grouchy a$$ out the door…saying “I don’t play freakin' word games, I suck at them.”
Out the door the ol’ lady and I go with me pitchin’ and bitchin’ the whole way…I don’t wanna play games…my body hurts and I’m tired. I suck at the damn things. Hell the first clue doesn’t even make sense to me, I don’t turn left for my damn gas. So off we go out the drive and in my peripheral vision I’m seeing her text away. Hmmm…daughter-in-law wasn’t home observation comes to mind. OK, so now we got something going. I just wanna go back to my damn chair and relax. Still mumbling about how I hate word games, I suck at em. The ol lady reassures me to relax and have fun with it and see where it leads.
So I drive to the main road and make a left…head on down and there’s a Shell gas station there and I turn in to the parking lot. I don’t see a damn thing out of the ordinary and said to her, “what the hell do I do now?” She comes back in with “maybe you should go inside and see if there’s another clue.” In my usual tone “Kathy, you know I hate this crap!” Inside I go and I see a gift with a matching note. After I get it from the clerk I read it. “Here’s a gift for all of your time, Lets see how fast you can figure this rhyme. If you’re smart, you’ll get this with ease, go to the place you wash your undies”
Well at least this clue makes some sense to me. I head on towards the laundry mat we use, meanwhile, while watching the wife text away. “You better tell Crystal to hurry up, so I don’t catch her..what are you two up too?” By now the expression on the old ladies face is like a bird that ate the canary. She usually pretty stone faced and solemn looking or got that “blonde” stare syndrome. But I can tell she’s choking down a pretty damn big grin and barely controlling herself.
Into the laundry mat I walk and there’s another gift perched there. Another clue reads, “You’re smarter than you look since you figured it out. But this one is harder without a doubt. Drive fast but don’t get hurt, Now to the place you wear your green shirt.” Out I drive and off to the store I work at. Shes a texting and I’m poking, tell her to go, Im gonna be there quick…I better not catch her. I’m getting in to the spirit of the deal a little bit now. My wifes expressions are very interesting and Im getting a bit curious what could deserve such a fuss. Of course, part is because the clues aren’t so cryptic for my old *** brain…fortunately.
I pull in to the shop and told her this might take a while, you know what kind of bullshitters we are. She asks me not to, just get it and lets keep moving. I go in, only gossiping for a minute which is definitely a record for us. Out I come with the next gift and clue. “This is certainly no time to bail. Go to where you drop off your mail.” I put the car in gear and off to the post office we go. Texting away I egg her on, “tell crystal to hide, Im gonna catch up, she better hurry!”
I ventured in to the post office. I’m getting a bit scared now…what the hell is this gonna end up being and how much more pecking around and I gonna have to do till its over. I grab the wrapped gift and the next clue that reads, “John and Ann are a few good friends and that is where your journey ends.” So now at this point my brain is churning. John and Ann are some good friends we’ve gone riding with on a few occasion. We’ve not really had the opportunity to be very social with all the overhead we’ve had in life. We also stick to ourselves on a daily basis. I pretty much realize that my old lady would have only involved them in something really big. There’s already a guilt starting to set in as my brain starts to churn on all the subtle observations I’ve made. All my squawking about shooting Santa and barking about only one thing I want for Christmas.
I start driving and its about five miles down the road to their house. I gotta admit, the ol’ ladies expression, that instinctive dark cloud building, I was excited now…but damn the guilt. If she did it, I’m gonna…well, hell I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I’m having a hard time believing she might have actually pulled something like this off if it turns out the way I’m beginning to think. I cant say anything because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or destroy her anticipation. I’m playing along silently with my brain churning like you wouldn’t believe…yes, even if I’m an a$$hat I do think on occasion.
I try to remember, its possible it could be anything…who knows for sure. When we approach the house I see my truck, our in-laws cars from back at the house and Johns truck parked outside, which is WAY out of character for him. I’m sucking down the anticipation, preparing for who knows what. With all this commotion I know its pretty important. I’m already thinking probably a bike now. If it is? Now comes the pressure of which one, what model, color…etc. My ol’ lady pesters me that all Harleys are the same to her, hell what’s she know, she rides a Kawa-sucky.
We get out of the car, not a soul in sight and kinda wait. I’m sure the garage door is gonna open. So I grab the ol’ ladies hand and guiltily raise my eyebrows like I’m begging for forgiveness with my expression…here starts the garage door…eternity…wait for it…surely she didn’t…its gonna be a washer/dryer…”OH MY GOD!”…a tire…fender…lowers…”HOLY COW!!!”
An amazing 2013 Electra Glide Limited…Chrome Yellow over black…she’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Im speechless…I can not imagine she pulled off this kind of surprise. She calls me snoopy. Im just freaking OCD and observant. She got away with this one. Its gorgeous! I’ve lived a long time accepting the humbler most cost effective side of things…make money and stuff stretch the best I can. I usually accept that something like a base model or slightly used would be more realistic…I daydream for bigger but am happy with what I have. BUT, she completely outdid herself…LOADED from the factory…its also the first NEW bike I’ve ever had in my life.
Everyone hugging me, congrats…my brain spinning in disbelief. GUILT set in instantly…we still have presents at home to unwrap…if only one of my friends and family who were consulted and knew about this would have at least put their hand on my shoulder and whispered, ”…you better go to Jareds!” (Payback is definitely coming by the way)
#2
12-27-2012 | 09:20 AM
Elite HDF Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,741
Likes: 44
From: Indian Land, SC
I've been running around for several weeks being a thorn in the ol' lady's side saying all I want for Christmas is a Harley under my tree. It was kind of a teasing gesture since honestly I believed it bad timing and out of reach, but then everyone knows I’m a blowhard anyway with big ol' dreams. I even told the kids that if Santa comes in my house without one I was "gonna shoot that fat, red suit wearing son of a buck and every one of those damn reindeer in front of his sleigh!".
We kind of got in to the holiday spirit this year with the younger kiddo's being in our house this Christmas. Lots of stuff was under the tree and my ol' Lady had done a lot more than we really needed too. Every time she would come home she'd have another bag full of stuff and I'd just look at her down my nose with a raised eyebrow. She'd just drop her head n shoulders and giggle!
I know her and her daughter were getting in to the season. Every time I turned around they were somewhere huddled n whispering and soon as I'd walk by they'd get quiet n stare at me. Believe me, after a few weeks I was beginning to get a bit pissed off and maybe even a bit paranoid. Was I looking at my demise...they were gonna off me I was sure.
Well, the family came into town and the house has been full for several days. I was my usually grouchy old a$$hat wearin' self trying to stay out of the way and keep things under control. About middle of the day on Christmas Eve I decided I'd better make a vittle run and get a few things so we wouldn't have to worry about it Christmas day. I got back to the house and put the stuff away, shucked the boots and skirted the gang and kind of settled down in my chair and grabbed the remote.
About the time I got the recliner kicked out there was a knock on the door. I glanced and didn't see anyone and none of the other gang moved so i got up to go look. Opened the door gonna kick some solicitors a$$. No ones there, I craned my neck out the door and didn’t see anyone. “Someone’s playin’ damn games”, I said, and I noticed a note taped to the door. I grabbed it, glanced it over and didn’t really “read” it…tossed it at my wife. I hate games…and walked out the door to see if I could catch and hang whoever was playin’ games. Screw it, closed the door and proceeded back to my comfy spot on the couch.
The wife started reading the note back to me, “You think you’re Smart, but it doesn’t sHow, so here’s a tEst, To see what you know. Grab your keys, Go reaL fast, now Left to the place, you can buy gas”…I looked at her and said “I don’t play games, don’t feel like it”. She says, ”..go, get your keys and lets go. Come on we gotta see what it is!” I barked back, “no, besides it doesn’t make sense, I don’t turn left to get Gas. I go to freakin’ amigo mart on the corner..” She antagonized me a little bit to get my boots on, grab the keys and come on. Very grudgingly I relented and drug my grouchy a$$ out the door…saying “I don’t play freakin' word games, I suck at them.”
Out the door the ol’ lady and I go with me pitchin’ and bitchin’ the whole way…I don’t wanna play games…my body hurts and I’m tired. I suck at the damn things. Hell the first clue doesn’t even make sense to me, I don’t turn left for my damn gas. So off we go out the drive and in my peripheral vision I’m seeing her text away. Hmmm…daughter-in-law wasn’t home observation comes to mind. OK, so now we got something going. I just wanna go back to my damn chair and relax. Still mumbling about how I hate word games, I suck at em. The ol lady reassures me to relax and have fun with it and see where it leads.
So I drive to the main road and make a left…head on down and there’s a Shell gas station there and I turn in to the parking lot. I don’t see a damn thing out of the ordinary and said to her, “what the hell do I do now?” She comes back in with “maybe you should go inside and see if there’s another clue.” In my usual tone “Kathy, you know I hate this crap!” Inside I go and I see a gift with a matching note. After I get it from the clerk I read it. “Here’s a gift for all of your time, Lets see how fast you can figure this rhyme. If you’re smart, you’ll get this with ease, go to the place you wash your undies”
Well at least this clue makes some sense to me. I head on towards the laundry mat we use, meanwhile, while watching the wife text away. “You better tell Crystal to hurry up, so I don’t catch her..what are you two up too?” By now the expression on the old ladies face is like a bird that ate the canary. She usually pretty stone faced and solemn looking or got that “blonde” stare syndrome. But I can tell she’s choking down a pretty damn big grin and barely controlling herself.
Into the laundry mat I walk and there’s another gift perched there. Another clue reads, “You’re smarter than you look since you figured it out. But this one is harder without a doubt. Drive fast but don’t get hurt, Now to the place you wear your green shirt.” Out I drive and off to the store I work at. Shes a texting and I’m poking, tell her to go, Im gonna be there quick…I better not catch her. I’m getting in to the spirit of the deal a little bit now. My wifes expressions are very interesting and Im getting a bit curious what could deserve such a fuss. Of course, part is because the clues aren’t so cryptic for my old *** brain…fortunately.
I pull in to the shop and told her this might take a while, you know what kind of bullshitters we are. She asks me not to, just get it and lets keep moving. I go in, only gossiping for a minute which is definitely a record for us. Out I come with the next gift and clue. “This is certainly no time to bail. Go to where you drop off your mail.” I put the car in gear and off to the post office we go. Texting away I egg her on, “tell crystal to hide, Im gonna catch up, she better hurry!”
I ventured in to the post office. I’m getting a bit scared now…what the hell is this gonna end up being and how much more pecking around and I gonna have to do till its over. I grab the wrapped gift and the next clue that reads, “John and Ann are a few good friends and that is where your journey ends.” So now at this point my brain is churning. John and Ann are some good friends we’ve gone riding with on a few occasion. We’ve not really had the opportunity to be very social with all the overhead we’ve had in life. We also stick to ourselves on a daily basis. I pretty much realize that my old lady would have only involved them in something really big. There’s already a guilt starting to set in as my brain starts to churn on all the subtle observations I’ve made. All my squawking about shooting Santa and barking about only one thing I want for Christmas.
I start driving and its about five miles down the road to their house. I gotta admit, the ol’ ladies expression, that instinctive dark cloud building, I was excited now…but damn the guilt. If she did it, I’m gonna…well, hell I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I’m having a hard time believing she might have actually pulled something like this off if it turns out the way I’m beginning to think. I cant say anything because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or destroy her anticipation. I’m playing along silently with my brain churning like you wouldn’t believe…yes, even if I’m an a$$hat I do think on occasion.
I try to remember, its possible it could be anything…who knows for sure. When we approach the house I see my truck, our in-laws cars from back at the house and Johns truck parked outside, which is WAY out of character for him. I’m sucking down the anticipation, preparing for who knows what. With all this commotion I know its pretty important. I’m already thinking probably a bike now. If it is? Now comes the pressure of which one, what model, color…etc. My ol’ lady pesters me that all Harleys are the same to her, hell what’s she know, she rides a Kawa-sucky.
We get out of the car, not a soul in sight and kinda wait. I’m sure the garage door is gonna open. So I grab the ol’ ladies hand and guiltily raise my eyebrows like I’m begging for forgiveness with my expression…here starts the garage door…eternity…wait for it…surely she didn’t…its gonna be a washer/dryer…”OH MY GOD!”…a tire…fender…lowers…”HOLY COW!!!”
An amazing 2013 Electra Glide Limited…Chrome Yellow over black…she’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Im speechless…I can not imagine she pulled off this kind of surprise. She calls me snoopy. Im just freaking OCD and observant. She got away with this one. Its gorgeous! I’ve lived a long time accepting the humbler most cost effective side of things…make money and stuff stretch the best I can. I usually accept that something like a base model or slightly used would be more realistic…I daydream for bigger but am happy with what I have. BUT, she completely outdid herself…LOADED from the factory…its also the first NEW bike I’ve ever had in my life.
Everyone hugging me, congrats…my brain spinning in disbelief. GUILT set in instantly…we still have presents at home to unwrap…if only one of my friends and family who were consulted and knew about this would have at least put their hand on my shoulder and whispered, ”…you better go to Jareds!” (Payback is definitely coming by the way)
We kind of got in to the holiday spirit this year with the younger kiddo's being in our house this Christmas. Lots of stuff was under the tree and my ol' Lady had done a lot more than we really needed too. Every time she would come home she'd have another bag full of stuff and I'd just look at her down my nose with a raised eyebrow. She'd just drop her head n shoulders and giggle!
I know her and her daughter were getting in to the season. Every time I turned around they were somewhere huddled n whispering and soon as I'd walk by they'd get quiet n stare at me. Believe me, after a few weeks I was beginning to get a bit pissed off and maybe even a bit paranoid. Was I looking at my demise...they were gonna off me I was sure.
Well, the family came into town and the house has been full for several days. I was my usually grouchy old a$$hat wearin' self trying to stay out of the way and keep things under control. About middle of the day on Christmas Eve I decided I'd better make a vittle run and get a few things so we wouldn't have to worry about it Christmas day. I got back to the house and put the stuff away, shucked the boots and skirted the gang and kind of settled down in my chair and grabbed the remote.
About the time I got the recliner kicked out there was a knock on the door. I glanced and didn't see anyone and none of the other gang moved so i got up to go look. Opened the door gonna kick some solicitors a$$. No ones there, I craned my neck out the door and didn’t see anyone. “Someone’s playin’ damn games”, I said, and I noticed a note taped to the door. I grabbed it, glanced it over and didn’t really “read” it…tossed it at my wife. I hate games…and walked out the door to see if I could catch and hang whoever was playin’ games. Screw it, closed the door and proceeded back to my comfy spot on the couch.
The wife started reading the note back to me, “You think you’re Smart, but it doesn’t sHow, so here’s a tEst, To see what you know. Grab your keys, Go reaL fast, now Left to the place, you can buy gas”…I looked at her and said “I don’t play games, don’t feel like it”. She says, ”..go, get your keys and lets go. Come on we gotta see what it is!” I barked back, “no, besides it doesn’t make sense, I don’t turn left to get Gas. I go to freakin’ amigo mart on the corner..” She antagonized me a little bit to get my boots on, grab the keys and come on. Very grudgingly I relented and drug my grouchy a$$ out the door…saying “I don’t play freakin' word games, I suck at them.”
Out the door the ol’ lady and I go with me pitchin’ and bitchin’ the whole way…I don’t wanna play games…my body hurts and I’m tired. I suck at the damn things. Hell the first clue doesn’t even make sense to me, I don’t turn left for my damn gas. So off we go out the drive and in my peripheral vision I’m seeing her text away. Hmmm…daughter-in-law wasn’t home observation comes to mind. OK, so now we got something going. I just wanna go back to my damn chair and relax. Still mumbling about how I hate word games, I suck at em. The ol lady reassures me to relax and have fun with it and see where it leads.
So I drive to the main road and make a left…head on down and there’s a Shell gas station there and I turn in to the parking lot. I don’t see a damn thing out of the ordinary and said to her, “what the hell do I do now?” She comes back in with “maybe you should go inside and see if there’s another clue.” In my usual tone “Kathy, you know I hate this crap!” Inside I go and I see a gift with a matching note. After I get it from the clerk I read it. “Here’s a gift for all of your time, Lets see how fast you can figure this rhyme. If you’re smart, you’ll get this with ease, go to the place you wash your undies”
Well at least this clue makes some sense to me. I head on towards the laundry mat we use, meanwhile, while watching the wife text away. “You better tell Crystal to hurry up, so I don’t catch her..what are you two up too?” By now the expression on the old ladies face is like a bird that ate the canary. She usually pretty stone faced and solemn looking or got that “blonde” stare syndrome. But I can tell she’s choking down a pretty damn big grin and barely controlling herself.
Into the laundry mat I walk and there’s another gift perched there. Another clue reads, “You’re smarter than you look since you figured it out. But this one is harder without a doubt. Drive fast but don’t get hurt, Now to the place you wear your green shirt.” Out I drive and off to the store I work at. Shes a texting and I’m poking, tell her to go, Im gonna be there quick…I better not catch her. I’m getting in to the spirit of the deal a little bit now. My wifes expressions are very interesting and Im getting a bit curious what could deserve such a fuss. Of course, part is because the clues aren’t so cryptic for my old *** brain…fortunately.
I pull in to the shop and told her this might take a while, you know what kind of bullshitters we are. She asks me not to, just get it and lets keep moving. I go in, only gossiping for a minute which is definitely a record for us. Out I come with the next gift and clue. “This is certainly no time to bail. Go to where you drop off your mail.” I put the car in gear and off to the post office we go. Texting away I egg her on, “tell crystal to hide, Im gonna catch up, she better hurry!”
I ventured in to the post office. I’m getting a bit scared now…what the hell is this gonna end up being and how much more pecking around and I gonna have to do till its over. I grab the wrapped gift and the next clue that reads, “John and Ann are a few good friends and that is where your journey ends.” So now at this point my brain is churning. John and Ann are some good friends we’ve gone riding with on a few occasion. We’ve not really had the opportunity to be very social with all the overhead we’ve had in life. We also stick to ourselves on a daily basis. I pretty much realize that my old lady would have only involved them in something really big. There’s already a guilt starting to set in as my brain starts to churn on all the subtle observations I’ve made. All my squawking about shooting Santa and barking about only one thing I want for Christmas.
I start driving and its about five miles down the road to their house. I gotta admit, the ol’ ladies expression, that instinctive dark cloud building, I was excited now…but damn the guilt. If she did it, I’m gonna…well, hell I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I’m having a hard time believing she might have actually pulled something like this off if it turns out the way I’m beginning to think. I cant say anything because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or destroy her anticipation. I’m playing along silently with my brain churning like you wouldn’t believe…yes, even if I’m an a$$hat I do think on occasion.
I try to remember, its possible it could be anything…who knows for sure. When we approach the house I see my truck, our in-laws cars from back at the house and Johns truck parked outside, which is WAY out of character for him. I’m sucking down the anticipation, preparing for who knows what. With all this commotion I know its pretty important. I’m already thinking probably a bike now. If it is? Now comes the pressure of which one, what model, color…etc. My ol’ lady pesters me that all Harleys are the same to her, hell what’s she know, she rides a Kawa-sucky.
We get out of the car, not a soul in sight and kinda wait. I’m sure the garage door is gonna open. So I grab the ol’ ladies hand and guiltily raise my eyebrows like I’m begging for forgiveness with my expression…here starts the garage door…eternity…wait for it…surely she didn’t…its gonna be a washer/dryer…”OH MY GOD!”…a tire…fender…lowers…”HOLY COW!!!”
An amazing 2013 Electra Glide Limited…Chrome Yellow over black…she’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Im speechless…I can not imagine she pulled off this kind of surprise. She calls me snoopy. Im just freaking OCD and observant. She got away with this one. Its gorgeous! I’ve lived a long time accepting the humbler most cost effective side of things…make money and stuff stretch the best I can. I usually accept that something like a base model or slightly used would be more realistic…I daydream for bigger but am happy with what I have. BUT, she completely outdid herself…LOADED from the factory…its also the first NEW bike I’ve ever had in my life.
Everyone hugging me, congrats…my brain spinning in disbelief. GUILT set in instantly…we still have presents at home to unwrap…if only one of my friends and family who were consulted and knew about this would have at least put their hand on my shoulder and whispered, ”…you better go to Jareds!” (Payback is definitely coming by the way)
If you wrote that story, you should be writing books. A great read with a happy ending. Congratulations on the new bike and many years & miles of happiness.
Last edited by HDV-GLIDE; 12-27-2012 at 09:41 AM.
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12-27-2012 | 09:44 AM
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12-27-2012 | 09:46 AM
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