Chuck Norris doesn't have AIDS,but he gives it to women anyway.

 

chuck norris once had his own brand of toilet paper but the company went belly up because chuck norris's tp wouldn't take **** from anyone

 

There was once a street named after Chuck Norris,but it was later changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

 

The Dealer would not dare void his warranty for aftermarket parts either.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't ride a Harley trike, he drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. He doesn't sell the ice cream, he roundhouse kicks it down your throat. And when I say ice cream, I mean molten ***** of depleted uranium.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck wins every poker game with the devil. In fact, Chuck Norris won the 1989 World Series of Poker despite holding only one Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

I saw Chuck Norris at Sturgis last summer. He was having dinner with friends, and on a bet, ate three 72 ounce steaks in one hour. He spend the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. For desert, he ate an entire cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.

 

Chuck Norris isn't allowed to attend funerals anymore. When he walked into the room, the deceased would sit up in the casket.

 

They will never name a Hurricane “Chuck Norris” it would mean the start of Armageddon.

 

When Chuck Norris crossed the street on his trike, all cars had to look both ways!

 

When Chuck Norris does pushups his body does not actually move but the earth does.

 

Crop circles have been linked to areas where Chuck Norris was recently practicing roundhouse kicks.