On the Road King she could throw her leg over the back rest, with the tour pac on she has to learn and get comfortable with getting off and on. Like you said, after a few times she will get the hang of it.
I think the wife is going to be fine getting off and on. She has done it several times and no major damage on the seat or saddlebags. Honestly I would love to have a video camera watching us practise. We got laughing so hard, no wonder she couldn't lift her leg up and over.
Congrats! It was funnying seeing you talking to her! My wife had the same problem at first, now she is used to it and no problems. Just make sure she knows you are ready for her to get on or off, it can be kinda of heavy if you are not ready! Don't ask how I know?