My new hobby.
#1
09-01-2014, 07:05 AM
Join Date: May 2006
Location:
Posts: 861
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
My new hobby.
I've recently semi-retired and although the better half has a to-do list for me that I feel will keep me busy for years, people keep telling me I'm going to get bored and won't know what to do with all the time on my hands.
So I thought it would be good to find a new hobby. I think I've found something that can be fun and doesn't cost any money. What could be better than that? Just because I'm an old man doesn't mean I want something typical of old guys, like golf. No, I want something more cutting edge, to show I can still run with the young guys.
I want to become a keyboard commando/forum troll. I was hoping some of you who've been enjoying this hobby for years might take a new guy under their wings and give me some pointers.
Maybe we could start with something simple like is it better to start a new thread taking a stand that you just know will ruffle a lot of feathers, or should I break in easy by just mucking up other threads that were going well before I got there?
And how do I pinpoint who to call out so as to get the most vehement reaction? I want to provoke reaction so strong they can hardly type a response. And if I can get them to threaten to come to my house and beat me up, well then I know it's a job well done.
Even though I'll be new at this I want to get a fast start. I'm hoping that in a short time I can be in that elite group of posters who are considered complete and total azzholes by everyone else on the net. There are a couple guys on this very forum who have inside information on how to do that. I don't need to mention any names, we all know who they are.
So, any tips for an apprentice A-hole?
So I thought it would be good to find a new hobby. I think I've found something that can be fun and doesn't cost any money. What could be better than that? Just because I'm an old man doesn't mean I want something typical of old guys, like golf. No, I want something more cutting edge, to show I can still run with the young guys.
I want to become a keyboard commando/forum troll. I was hoping some of you who've been enjoying this hobby for years might take a new guy under their wings and give me some pointers.
Maybe we could start with something simple like is it better to start a new thread taking a stand that you just know will ruffle a lot of feathers, or should I break in easy by just mucking up other threads that were going well before I got there?
And how do I pinpoint who to call out so as to get the most vehement reaction? I want to provoke reaction so strong they can hardly type a response. And if I can get them to threaten to come to my house and beat me up, well then I know it's a job well done.
Even though I'll be new at this I want to get a fast start. I'm hoping that in a short time I can be in that elite group of posters who are considered complete and total azzholes by everyone else on the net. There are a couple guys on this very forum who have inside information on how to do that. I don't need to mention any names, we all know who they are.
So, any tips for an apprentice A-hole?
#3
09-01-2014, 07:40 AM
Ultimate HDF Member
There are so many opportunities here. Let's start with the obvious. For starters, you have to get rid of that girl's bike and a get a bike truly worthy of an AssHat: the Road Queen. I suppose that you could get a Street Glide, but that would only mark you as an SoA Wannabe, especially if you get it in black. Or you could get an UltraGlide, but that would simply mark you as an. And you certainly wouldn't want a TriGlide because only a lame *** Geriatricwould need training wheels on their ride.
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL. If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful. If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL. If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful. If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Last edited by IzzoQuazzo; 09-01-2014 at 09:53 AM.
#4
09-01-2014, 07:46 AM
There are so many opportunities here. Let's start with the obvious. For starters, you have to get rid of that girl's bike and a get a bike truly worthy of an AssHat: the Road Queen. I suppose that you could get a Street Glide, but that would only mark you as an SoA Wannabe, especially if you get it in black. Or you could get an UltraGlide, but that would simply mark you as an Old *****. And you certainly wouldn't want a TriGlide because only a lame *** Geriatric would need training wheels on their ride.
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL. If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful. If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL. If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful. If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Last edited by IzzoQuazzo; 09-01-2014 at 09:53 AM.
#5
09-01-2014, 08:20 AM
Join Date: May 2006
Location:
Posts: 861
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I should have seen that one coming.
Man this thread's off to a great start. I already feel the power flowing from my keyboard.
There are so many opportunities here. Let's start with the obvious. For starters, you have to get rid of that girl's bike and a get a bike truly worthy of an AssHat
Now we're getting somewhere. I can see you are leading me by example - trying to **** me off by making fun of my ride. Nice touch!
Or you could get an UltraGlide, but that would simply mark you as an
Actually I've been looking at Ultra's lately. Makes sense as I am an . If I get one to replace my girl's bike will I then be a man, albeit an old one?
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
That story's so yesterday. I'm looking for something fresh.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL.
I don't know about that. We're both pretty much perfect, what could anybody say about us that would be negative?
I'm 6'3" of hard muscle and she's a supermodel. Well at least here on the internet where we can be anything we want.
If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
Yes, this is the kind of good advice I'm looking for. Could I maybe get them to offer to kick my *** on the forum instead of via pm? How should I go about that? Somehow that would be more satisfying.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful.
I don't think the subtle approach would work. Let's face it there are a lot of really low IQ members who would have it go right over their heads.
I'm getting the hang of this! I think I just insulted about half our members.
If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
That place is super scary. I'm way too green to venture in there.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Nice, another jab at me! Is this where I offer to kick your ***, or do I have to wait for you to offer first?
Now we're getting somewhere. I can see you are leading me by example - trying to **** me off by making fun of my ride. Nice touch!
Or you could get an UltraGlide, but that would simply mark you as an
Actually I've been looking at Ultra's lately. Makes sense as I am an . If I get one to replace my girl's bike will I then be a man, albeit an old one?
Then, you're going to need a story. One of he better one's is pulling a gun because somebody was tailgating you with your bitch on the back of the bike. You can get extra points if you make the Antagonist something like a MILF on the cellphone with babies in the car seats or a teeny bopper driving a Suburban, texting with one hand and shoving pizza in her piehole with the other. Or you could go the lame route and pick a potentially drunk, truck driver.
That story's so yesterday. I'm looking for something fresh.
And of course, you can make this personal. Surely somebody will malign you or your OL.
I don't know about that. We're both pretty much perfect, what could anybody say about us that would be negative?
I'm 6'3" of hard muscle and she's a supermodel. Well at least here on the internet where we can be anything we want.
If you want to have somebody pm you with an offer to kick your ***, you might need to pm them first, and imply that they are a gutless wonder if they won't back you up on your story or take you up on the *** kicking offer. If they don't take the bait, insisting instead that you need a med check because you way overreacted, just reply that you've known all along that they were a *****, and move on to the next victim.
Yes, this is the kind of good advice I'm looking for. Could I maybe get them to offer to kick my *** on the forum instead of via pm? How should I go about that? Somehow that would be more satisfying.
There are so many ways to go, if you really want to troll. Remember, the best way to get a rise is to go for the Ego, but it's got to be subtle and artful.
I don't think the subtle approach would work. Let's face it there are a lot of really low IQ members who would have it go right over their heads.
I'm getting the hang of this! I think I just insulted about half our members.
If not, you wind up looking like a gun-toting psychopath, like a lot of the crazies in the Political and Open Discussion forum. Considering the level of BS from over there, it makes me wonder how any of them maintain their supposed CCWs.
That place is super scary. I'm way too green to venture in there.
Or, if trolling seems like too much work, you could just ride your motorcycle year round like a real man does. That's a lot more fun than trying to **** people off.
Nice, another jab at me! Is this where I offer to kick your ***, or do I have to wait for you to offer first?
Last edited by IzzoQuazzo; 09-01-2014 at 09:52 AM.
#6
09-01-2014, 08:33 AM
Seasoned HDF Member
before you can be a pro troll here, you will need a lot of practice. And that can only mean 1 thing...Craigslist!
OK; the first thing you do on CL is to go to the "women for men" section. There you will find a lot of phony scambots who post what sounds like similar copy & paste expressions, like "walks on the beach" "good bottle of wine""see where it goes" "friends first" last last one annoys me especially, at is a qualifier for a chick to get a few free meals without having to commit to anything. You then get on there & blast the crap out of these phony bitches. helps to make reference to the fact that most of them are 300 lb hippos that have the nerve to make demands of potential suitors.
Then, go to "for sale; motorcycles", post a pic of a late model SG or RK, and advertise it for next to nothing & watch the fun begin.
OR... post a pic of a 20 year old 883, list it in fair condition for $8995 & watch how many people here post links to that ad with the heading "Craiglisters on crack".
Once you have completed your basic training on CL, you are ready for the big time. Go to HDF "off topic" & start a thread about what a great job Obama & his lovely wife are doing, & how he singlehandedly brought down Osama Bin Laden. Tell them you can't wait for Hillary in '016. You can also start a thread about how the poor, unfortunate minorities & illegals in this country need our help & tax dollars to help defer the cost of their gold plated 26" rims for their Caprice Classics, & help support their 9 kids, since it's too much trouble to track down all their many baby daddys for support. That's a sure one everytime.
Last but not least, you can mention about how you fantacise about a roll in the hay with such endearing people as Jane Fonda,Rosie O'Donnel, or Barbara "the Schnozz" Streisand.
Also, be sure to get my "Troll Like a Pro" video. It is filled with many interesting topics such as:
"Why StreetGlides Are For Sissies"
"Justin Bieber; Talented Superstar"
"Loud Pipes Annoy People"
"Freight & Prep;Why We LOVE it!"
"Abolish The 2nd Ammendment"
"Don't Get The Manual; Get Mad Instead!"
"I Pulled My Gun, & Watched Him Run!"
"Hillary; A Model Of Style & Grace"
"Today's Teenagers;Mischievous Little Devils"
"Sexy Fashion Statement; Pants Hanging Off Your *** Can Be A Good Thing"
These will help you to "Troll Like A Pro". It will also teach you the use of expressions, such as:
"Pulled the Trigger"
"Asshat"
And all the variants of the prefix "Douche"...Douchebag, Douchenozzle,Douchepipe,Douchebaggery,Douchehat,Do uchewater,Douchey,DoucheDouchehose,He's a Douche, She needs to Douche, etc, etc.
Hope this helps.
OK; the first thing you do on CL is to go to the "women for men" section. There you will find a lot of phony scambots who post what sounds like similar copy & paste expressions, like "walks on the beach" "good bottle of wine""see where it goes" "friends first" last last one annoys me especially, at is a qualifier for a chick to get a few free meals without having to commit to anything. You then get on there & blast the crap out of these phony bitches. helps to make reference to the fact that most of them are 300 lb hippos that have the nerve to make demands of potential suitors.
Then, go to "for sale; motorcycles", post a pic of a late model SG or RK, and advertise it for next to nothing & watch the fun begin.
OR... post a pic of a 20 year old 883, list it in fair condition for $8995 & watch how many people here post links to that ad with the heading "Craiglisters on crack".
Once you have completed your basic training on CL, you are ready for the big time. Go to HDF "off topic" & start a thread about what a great job Obama & his lovely wife are doing, & how he singlehandedly brought down Osama Bin Laden. Tell them you can't wait for Hillary in '016. You can also start a thread about how the poor, unfortunate minorities & illegals in this country need our help & tax dollars to help defer the cost of their gold plated 26" rims for their Caprice Classics, & help support their 9 kids, since it's too much trouble to track down all their many baby daddys for support. That's a sure one everytime.
Last but not least, you can mention about how you fantacise about a roll in the hay with such endearing people as Jane Fonda,Rosie O'Donnel, or Barbara "the Schnozz" Streisand.
Also, be sure to get my "Troll Like a Pro" video. It is filled with many interesting topics such as:
"Why StreetGlides Are For Sissies"
"Justin Bieber; Talented Superstar"
"Loud Pipes Annoy People"
"Freight & Prep;Why We LOVE it!"
"Abolish The 2nd Ammendment"
"Don't Get The Manual; Get Mad Instead!"
"I Pulled My Gun, & Watched Him Run!"
"Hillary; A Model Of Style & Grace"
"Today's Teenagers;Mischievous Little Devils"
"Sexy Fashion Statement; Pants Hanging Off Your *** Can Be A Good Thing"
These will help you to "Troll Like A Pro". It will also teach you the use of expressions, such as:
"Pulled the Trigger"
"Asshat"
And all the variants of the prefix "Douche"...Douchebag, Douchenozzle,Douchepipe,Douchebaggery,Douchehat,Do uchewater,Douchey,DoucheDouchehose,He's a Douche, She needs to Douche, etc, etc.
Hope this helps.
Last edited by dickey; 09-01-2014 at 08:43 AM.
#7
09-01-2014, 08:42 AM
Ultimate HDF Member
Nah, the PM is so effective. Most people think that it's more intimate than the open forum, so they'll reveal crap about themselves that they otherwise might not in public. So, once you've got them really worked up, just copy and paste the entire email thread here, and don't forget to throw in a couple of remarks about their outrageous threats, their questionable mental health and maybe their breeding/upbringing, or lack thereof. They'll never see that crap coming.
If you really wanted to go for the jugular, you could forward the whole mess to the board admins/mods as well, because anyone stupid enough to put a threat like that in print needs to be smacked with the ban hammer. Then you can brag about the number of people that you've had banned from the site because of THEIR bad behaviour.
So, just out of curiosity, in order to protect the battery, do you put the bike on a tender, or do you go down to the garage a couple of times a week and run it for a half-hour or so?
If you really wanted to go for the jugular, you could forward the whole mess to the board admins/mods as well, because anyone stupid enough to put a threat like that in print needs to be smacked with the ban hammer. Then you can brag about the number of people that you've had banned from the site because of THEIR bad behaviour.
So, just out of curiosity, in order to protect the battery, do you put the bike on a tender, or do you go down to the garage a couple of times a week and run it for a half-hour or so?
Trending Topics
#8
09-01-2014, 09:08 AM
You will probably need to arm yourself. Sooner or later you will wee wee off the wrong person and he will track you down. At the very least you will require the service of a good proctologist to help retrieve your keyboard.
#9
09-01-2014, 09:33 AM
NOT A MODERATOR
#10
09-01-2014, 10:06 AM
before you can be a pro troll here, you will need a lot of practice. And that can only mean 1 thing...Craigslist!
OK; the first thing you do on CL is to go to the "women for men" section. There you will find a lot of phony scambots who post what sounds like similar copy & paste expressions, like "walks on the beach" "good bottle of wine""see where it goes" "friends first" last last one annoys me especially, at is a qualifier for a chick to get a few free meals without having to commit to anything. You then get on there & blast the crap out of these phony bitches. helps to make reference to the fact that most of them are 300 lb hippos that have the nerve to make demands of potential suitors.
Then, go to "for sale; motorcycles", post a pic of a late model SG or RK, and advertise it for next to nothing & watch the fun begin.
OR... post a pic of a 20 year old 883, list it in fair condition for $8995 & watch how many people here post links to that ad with the heading "Craiglisters on crack".
Once you have completed your basic training on CL, you are ready for the big time. Go to HDF "off topic" & start a thread about what a great job Obama & his lovely wife are doing, & how he singlehandedly brought down Osama Bin Laden. Tell them you can't wait for Hillary in '016. You can also start a thread about how the poor, unfortunate minorities & illegals in this country need our help & tax dollars to help defer the cost of their gold plated 26" rims for their Caprice Classics, & help support their 9 kids, since it's too much trouble to track down all their many baby daddys for support. That's a sure one everytime.
Last but not least, you can mention about how you fantacise about a roll in the hay with such endearing people as Jane Fonda,Rosie O'Donnel, or Barbara "the Schnozz" Streisand.
Also, be sure to get my "Troll Like a Pro" video. It is filled with many interesting topics such as:
"Why StreetGlides Are For Sissies"
"Justin Bieber; Talented Superstar"
"Loud Pipes Annoy People"
"Freight & Prep;Why We LOVE it!"
"Abolish The 2nd Ammendment"
"Don't Get The Manual; Get Mad Instead!"
"I Pulled My Gun, & Watched Him Run!"
"Hillary; A Model Of Style & Grace"
"Today's Teenagers;Mischievous Little Devils"
"Sexy Fashion Statement; Pants Hanging Off Your *** Can Be A Good Thing"
These will help you to "Troll Like A Pro". It will also teach you the use of expressions, such as:
"Pulled the Trigger"
"Asshat"
And all the variants of the prefix "Douche"...Douchebag, Douchenozzle,Douchepipe,Douchebaggery,Douchehat,Do uchewater,Douchey,DoucheDouchehose,He's a Douche, She needs to Douche, etc, etc.
Hope this helps.
OK; the first thing you do on CL is to go to the "women for men" section. There you will find a lot of phony scambots who post what sounds like similar copy & paste expressions, like "walks on the beach" "good bottle of wine""see where it goes" "friends first" last last one annoys me especially, at is a qualifier for a chick to get a few free meals without having to commit to anything. You then get on there & blast the crap out of these phony bitches. helps to make reference to the fact that most of them are 300 lb hippos that have the nerve to make demands of potential suitors.
Then, go to "for sale; motorcycles", post a pic of a late model SG or RK, and advertise it for next to nothing & watch the fun begin.
OR... post a pic of a 20 year old 883, list it in fair condition for $8995 & watch how many people here post links to that ad with the heading "Craiglisters on crack".
Once you have completed your basic training on CL, you are ready for the big time. Go to HDF "off topic" & start a thread about what a great job Obama & his lovely wife are doing, & how he singlehandedly brought down Osama Bin Laden. Tell them you can't wait for Hillary in '016. You can also start a thread about how the poor, unfortunate minorities & illegals in this country need our help & tax dollars to help defer the cost of their gold plated 26" rims for their Caprice Classics, & help support their 9 kids, since it's too much trouble to track down all their many baby daddys for support. That's a sure one everytime.
Last but not least, you can mention about how you fantacise about a roll in the hay with such endearing people as Jane Fonda,Rosie O'Donnel, or Barbara "the Schnozz" Streisand.
Also, be sure to get my "Troll Like a Pro" video. It is filled with many interesting topics such as:
"Why StreetGlides Are For Sissies"
"Justin Bieber; Talented Superstar"
"Loud Pipes Annoy People"
"Freight & Prep;Why We LOVE it!"
"Abolish The 2nd Ammendment"
"Don't Get The Manual; Get Mad Instead!"
"I Pulled My Gun, & Watched Him Run!"
"Hillary; A Model Of Style & Grace"
"Today's Teenagers;Mischievous Little Devils"
"Sexy Fashion Statement; Pants Hanging Off Your *** Can Be A Good Thing"
These will help you to "Troll Like A Pro". It will also teach you the use of expressions, such as:
"Pulled the Trigger"
"Asshat"
And all the variants of the prefix "Douche"...Douchebag, Douchenozzle,Douchepipe,Douchebaggery,Douchehat,Do uchewater,Douchey,DoucheDouchehose,He's a Douche, She needs to Douche, etc, etc.
Hope this helps.
mmb617 this guy above is one of the most qualified on this forum so take heed, as you can see he hones his skill on craigslist and seems to know exactly how it all works, maybe he could give you private lessons.
Also the guy who pulls out guns at dump trucks, these would be the two experts. Good luck !