Since it seems to be joke time.....I don't play golf, but this makes sense to me!

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden: POOF!!
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?!?! Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!' Then POOF!... she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'
Fred yells back, 'I'm over here in the ***** willows.'
Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred!' FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'

 

The trick that gave him these beautiful stripes across his nose gave me three new wrinkles yesterday morning.

 

Yep. Dat be a boy for you....

Last week mine decided to ride his bike down the concrete stairs. Thank god for helmets! And he's only 3.

 

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me….It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was always bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo… And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’

The moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car!

 

I dont think Im going to survive raising these kids. Ive got a teenage girl and a daredevil boy trying to give me a heart attack. Have I mentioned the girl dont like the boy but the boy hero worships the girl? Just imagine that chaos! Now throw a big goofy soaking wet puppy into that mix and its no wonder I cant wait to leave for w*rk!

Is it spring yet?!

 

Bwaahahaha....whadhe do to hiz nose???

 

You get that boy pottie trained? Got ours fixed over xmas break!

 

I dont know exactly but it involved four steps, his toolbox and the dog.

Softy, yep. I got him trained last Sept. Now, I just got a pull up on him over nights to catch the accidents. He's getting better about getting himself up to go in the night though.

 

We caught a break here. He was almost 4 and finaly when he decided to stop w/diapers we have had no over night accidents and very few day time accidents. Think we dodged a bullet on any bed wetting issues.

 

You'd hafta know the dawg would be involved....hahahahaha