Been there done that. Wife gave the same ultimatum...among other things. Had 2 kids so I tried to stay together for them. Well a year later I was filing for divorce. Now I have my kids when its my turn, we have fun and they still love me the same. When someone tells you to stay together for the kids it just doesn't work very often. If you stay together for them but you are miserable at the same time it does more damage. Regardless of the kids age they do know things are not right. To me it sounds like its only a matter of time before it happens anyway. But he has to make the call.

 

You both hit upon a dirty secret there , when one of the players in a drama like this suddenly goes drastic the one real question should be what has changed suddenly in the initiators life to cause it ? You'll always get the standard ploys like I don't feel loved or your taking advantage of me , or a number of canned cover statements like that .

Truth is people want to appear to be the victim is big drama like this , most times for a woman it's because she's getting some dick somewhere else . If she can make her old man out to be the problem it hides what really going on and justifies her behavior later after the dust settles . Men will do it too just not as brutally cut throat trying to destroy the other person on the way out . If they can leave nothing be burning wreckage behind them it shows everyone " See what I avoided " it's the no guilt thing if you can make it the other persons fault .

 

if he folds he will always fold and she will know that and it will drag him to his grave. kids that grow up with 2 parents are the weirdos now days who cares what part they play. they will be happy to not have to live in tension anymore and playing mom against dad is fun and profitable.
he needs to go away by him self long enough for the tv to fade away and everybodys opinions stop. he needs to then choose what is right for himself anything else will be tainted with more regret.
any woman who makes you choose is probably the wrong one for you.

I do not take ultimatums well either.
hope he does the right thing whatever it may be.

 

Longhair,

I'm sorry your brother is having to deal with this bullshit, but whether he knows it or not, his relationship with this woman is already over.

This isn't about the bike, and this isn't about the club. This is about manipulation and control. She wants control, and she'll manipulate him in any way to get it. The big question in my mind is: what caused this sudden change in behavior from his wife of over 10 years?

When this woman married your brother, she knew what was up. Now, all of a sudden she wants him to give up his bike and club brothers? Bullshit…I'm not buying it. There's definitely something else going on here. Another man…some of her girlfriends pushing her towards this? I don't know, but the wheels are definitely in motion.

Women aren't dumb, and this one is no exception. I think she's setting him up to leave him. She knows damn well that he's not going to leave his club, so she's going to use that as an excuse to split, and take the kids with her. Looks good in court for her too, when it comes to custody of the kids. I can just hear it, "Your Honor, my husband is in this motorcycle gang, and I'm scared for my children being raised in an environment like that."

My advice for your brother would be to lawyer up with the best one he can afford, and be prepared to be taken to the cleaners. When it's all said and done, he'll still have his ***** and his brothers. He'll also still be able to visit his kids, and be a positive influence on their lives. The alternative isn't pretty. She has his ***** in a mason jar, he has no club/no brothers, and she leaves him anyway a year later for some other manufactured excuse.

 

Lots of answers on here. Bottom line is it is his and his wife's marriage on the line. No one knows what's going on between them except them. No marriage works if there isn't communication from both parties. Tell him to take her on a weekend away from everyone and talk it out. Offer to watch his kids while they go. Other than that, stay out of it. If they separate be there for him. He'll need a real friend.

 

He should hop on the bike and take a long ride to think about it all.

If she wants to leave, let her go. If he is considering leaving the club maybe he isn't as in to it as he once was.

 

Being the dick that I am when given an ultimatum such as; "You better or else," I go with "Or else" even if it's gonna cause me some pain. I know, it's juvenile and spiteful but I HATE **** like that.

 

I'm getting the "other man" vibe. To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy, She's already cut a new pony from the herd &, if she's not riding him yet, she's definitely got the saddle out of the barn.

I also agree on the "poor little me" thing. Folks (male or female) will set up their other half to look like a monster while, at the same time, making themselves look like the poor, put-upon victim.

 

Lets just say thats one of the reasons I am on wife # 4. Been riding most of my life and each one knew my ties and that I rode but after I do's they would try you will and I said good bye

 

Quit after 3rd wife, too expensive.
Always left with at least the bike