I've tried not looking at it. That doesn't work. Miz Roo just sticks her finger right on it and squeals "EEeeeew!" Like touching it would get you sick or something. "Hey, Roo," I sez to myself, "surely the wet spot problem has been successfully resolved by those who came before you."

I've been shy about sharing something as private as this...something so personal. But now I just can't hold it any more. This problem has been welling up inside me until I'm ready to explode. Here goes...

Miz Roo and myself own matching, light brown leather vests. And today, as we had our matching PGR back patches and matching American flags sewn on to our matching light brown leather vests by a man we had never laid eyes on before, he accidentally laid both vests onto a table with several wet spots on it.

Admittedly, the wet spots were tiny. He could have avoided them with a little effort. Instead, our vests were laid down right on top of the wet spots. Now, both vests are stained.

On close inspection, one of the stains is a leftover fried chicked drip, squeezed out by injudicious use of molars instead of incisors (but Hey!...I was starvin'). All the other dark spots are either sewing machine oil, sweat, or an unidentified bodily fluid.

I need ANSWERS people!

How do you get the wet spots out? Do you even bother, or do you sashay around with your wet spots hanging out, hoping people think you're tougher and meaner than you actually are? How can you tell if it's oil, water, sweat, or something unsavory? I tried using my tongue to see if it's food or machine oil, and I got lucky but now how do I get the saliva stain out? Will water get it out? If water doesn't work, will gasoline get it out? How do you get the gas smell out?

Seriously, I had no idea that being a fashion icon was so complicated..

Roo!