Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked 'What are you sellin' here?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling azzholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well. Only two left.'
Seniors - don't mess with them . . . . .!!

 

Good one JW, not as good as yesterday but good none the less.....

 

Thanks Tima. Do you have any good ones?

 

Naw, I don't have a sense of humor right now. It's raining pigs and chickens, windy as all get out, can't ride and I'm gett'n really grumpy

 

Here's one a friend in New Mexico sent me...

"Old guys AARP eye chart"

 

That's good! I couldn't read the last 3 lines even with the magnifiyin glass!
Yep rainin here too. Monday was nice, I road, gonna rain Tuesday thru Saturday. Sucks!

 

I load'n my gun...

 

Mines already loaded ..............Here ya go;

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you
will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have
$33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you
will have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the
beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have
received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

 

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place

and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed

and told his lover to take his shoes

outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

but always talked about havinga son.

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

'Not this time!'


The 3rd Affair



A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

about to be cremated,

and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,

stuffed it into his briefcase,

and took it home

'I have something to show

you won't believe,' h e said to his wife,

opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

'Schwartz is dead!'


The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover

when she heard her husband

opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'

she said, ' pretend you'r e a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired

as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
the Smiths bought one and I liked it

so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

went to the kitchen and returned

with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

and nobody offered me a damned thing.'


The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,

went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:

'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing
I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, ' his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!' < BR>'I know,' she replied,
' now just rest and let the poison work

 

LOL Tima, the last one was killer! Raining, can't ride, so lets laught.