HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:

Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.

 

People were in their pews at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, 'Don't you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill with a word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I could cause you profound horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Well, why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 44 years.'

 

Mike was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was

really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a

gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds,

AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'

The next morning Mike got up early and left for work. When his wife

woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box

gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put

on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in

the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Mike has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him

 

What a way to wake up!

 

Thanks for the laughs

 

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, 'Fu *k the pills, have you seen the purple dragons in the kitchen?!'