There is hope, but only a little. It boils down to money. Last year, Sturgis South lost $28K (and the heat nearly killed some of us old farks). Then, like Custer at Little Big Horn, our beloved sweatfest was ambushed by lawyers who told the city to change the name of the rally - or ELSE. So Donny Hansen, the rally coordinator, is now hustling door-to-door at all the motels/hotels/hostels/brothels in the area, telling them to pony up some bucks or face massive cancellations that week. He's also considering changing the name of the rally to the "Red Hills Motorcycle Rally".

Does Roosterboots have any thoughts on this debacle? Funny you should ask.

1. Sturgis, MS, was founded in 1884, beating the SD city of a similar name by four years. Hire some lawyers and demand the unconditional surrender of the state of South Dakota to the state of Mississippi.

2. Most of the income generated by Sturgis South comes from concert armbands and t-shirt sales. Other sources of revenue should be considered, such as:

* pay toilets
* toll booths on both ends of Highway 12
* roving bands of brigands extorting big bucks from frightened RUBs
* city-licensed campground hookers
* better t-shirts
* indestructible arm bands rmovable only with rally-owned equipment (like those ink-bombs the stores use on suits, but charge for the safe removal of the armband). As an adjunct to this concept - and I don't know whether it crosses the line, legally speaking - you could engineer the armbands so that if the wearer leaves it on too long, it explodes.

3. Hire a PR firm to play up the hail storm from Sturgis, SD, in 2010. A simple message on a billboard might suffice: "GOD HATES SOUTH DAKOTA. Visit lovely Mississippi and survive!"

4. The name "Sturgis" sounds like a gut-gurgle to me. Ewww! I personally believe that the whole show should be renamed in honor of our Native American neighbors running the big casino operation just a short piece down the road - the "Turkey Bike Rally" (but substitute the Choctaw word for Turkey).

5. The Final Solution. I am issuing a call to all local bike clubs to hold poker runs and auction nights, with the theme "Save Sturgis". Send all revenues to me and I'll count it up and pass it along to the appropriate authorities. Hurry, now.


Roo!