Well now that the riding season is in full swing, if your anything like me, your chomping at the bit to put some drunken, swervy miles on the Ol Hog. But there are some very important considerations to take account of prior to downing that 5th of whiskey and crankin her up.

I. Location, location, location! Several things should impact your selected destination for drunkenness. Your really gonna want to keep it within about 5 mils of home, orclose toa comfy ditch. But you need some fun people there to so no yuppy bars just cause they are close. Personally I think the best place is a Strip Club because: A. Umm, theres lots of naked chicks running around. B. Its nice to not be the most mentally screwed up person in the room (unless your a hardcore biker, then the strippers like having you around cause then THEY are not the most fukkered up person in the room) C. Umm, theres lots of naked chicks running around.

B. So you think "Hey I have the hang of this, I'm going to the STRIP CLUB!!! WOOT!!" Not so fast bucko, there are guidelines in place for this sort of thing. First off, park your bike right up infront of the doors. Go ahead and make some racket too, pretend like you need to blow the spoons out on your carb before you shut it down. The goal at this point is to be SEEN actually on your motorcycle. And the reason you need to be seen is A: Its a strip club, people walk in wearing leather from head to toe all day long. You dont want to be one of those weirdos. B: Strippers really like bikers, but they hate *****'s.

3. Ok so now you've made it your watering hole. Its time to liven things up a bit. First off, if theres aBar stool open, get your tail in it! Your there to Drink! not spend money on someones college fund. Its ok to walk down and toss a few bucks on the stage, but pick a chick who looks like she is cool, some tattoos, split knuckles and a black eye are really what your looking for. This is the type of Chick that you want to hang out and get drunk with. Here are several Caveats:
III. Under no circumstances are you to get a lap dance. A its gonna switch your brain from drinking to sex (defiantly NOT our goal this evening) And @. Its gonna take away from your bad *** biker motif you so painstakingly setup. F. You will also never ask 1. A girls real name, 2. Where she is really from, 3.if she will come home with you, 4. Or any other questions you wouldn't ask a fellow biker buddy. Thats just creepy...

XXIV. Now you need to scope things out and pick your busted knuckle girl and get herover for some shots, strippers have drink cards they must hand in when you buy them drinks. But your little scrapper filly will have youbuying shots while she sneaks them when no one is looking. Its best to use different waitresses and bartenders for this, since on your 17th shot of whiskey you'll get shut down. Confusion and misdirection are your best friends.

1. Back to the matter at hand... So your on your way to being drunk and happy with a hot chick to drink with. But wait! you shoulda planned this out better. Now its getting late and your gonna have to swerve your way home soon, without running into Jonny Law. This is where some logic must intrude upon your evening.

What time do bars close? 2am. So where do you think all the cops are going to be at 2am? You got that correct, right down the street from the Tasty Beaver Gentlemans club. You need to fly under the radar here. So on your route home, back roads are your friend! Also you will leave at 1:10 am. This is when the cops are gearing up for the Bar Rush getting coffee and food before what to them will be a long night. Stay the hell off the main roads, otherwise your gonna have long night too. County roads are best cause they all look like mine fields and should you get pulled over your erratic driving is easily explained away by the sad condition of your tax dollar roa

 

[sm=partyparty.gif][sm=icon_cheers.gif][sm=exactly.gif]

Also, leave your helmet at home. There is nothing worse than blowing chunks and beer inside your full face skid-lid!!!!

 

good beginning,,,, but what about the end???
you pull into the garage,,,, sneak into the house................
Part II starts here!?
lol

 

Oh honey, it was just me and the guys down at bw3's watchin the game, I swear!!!![sm=grinangel.gif]

 

You forgot to coast into the driveway from 3 houses down , and make sure you have a good story like " I was working on this dam thing all night out in this garage" And make sure all that makeup is off your shirt from all the lap dances you got.

 

LMAO!!!! Ithink I pi$$ed myself...........and I'm at work!!!11111

MORE!!!!

STICKY[sm=icon_rofl.gif]

 

I don't usually drink and ride maybe a couple but I definitly ain't gonna put my bike on the ground cause if I'm drunk I'm Evil Kenevil.And I'm definitly not that.

 

not to steal the threa but.....fyrmnjimhow you like that new sportster???ride good??

 

After you have tried everything mentioned above and a few not mentioned, with the brain cells you haven't destroyed, you will be able to look back and wonder how you ever made it past 18, 32, 49, 55 etc. It's actually not funny when you think about it. But who ever accused bikers of thinking.

 

<-------------good example of wasted brain cells