So I was responding to another post where a father was expressing his spectrum of emotions and ultimate thankfullness, following a motorcycle accident involving his 22 year old son. Thankfully his son suffered only moderate injuries in a situation that could have been so much worse. As I was posting my regards to him and how I too was happy for them that it didn’t end up much worse, and then I started to go much deeper in my response than what would have been appropriate and ultimately did not want to hijack his thread. So I am starting a new one on a subject that has been very near and very dear to my heart for many years.

I grew up on dirt bikes, starting about the age of 8. Did a little bit of competitive desert racing but mostly just recreation. At 16, when I became a licensed driver, it was a no-brainer that I would ride a street bike. Although I owned cars and trucks, as a young man, I always had a bike to ride. I had to abandon riding for many years due to financial and other “family responsibility” issues, I began riding again about 10 years ago. So now at 56 years of age, I still love riding and do so every chance I get and I am very thankful that I have never been in a serious accident, but there have been a few close calls.

Now, to the heart of the matter.

I also have a soon to be 21 year old son but he has never been on a motorcycle, at least not with his his hands on the bars while it was moving. He grew up playing year 'round baseball and we just never seemed to have the time for the same kind of recreation that I did as a kid. I also have a second Harley, a 2004 Dyna. When I bought my ’07 Ultra last year and was considering selling my Dyna, he begged me to teach him to ride so that we could spend some great time on the road together, obviously, he's been too big for many years now to be my passenger. As much as I believe having him as a riding partner would be one of the greatest joys I may EVER experience in my LIFETIME, I can't get past the loathsome fear of him being hurt, or worse… and all because I wanted to enjoy some quality time together. I mean this haunts me.
Therefore I have been adamant in my stance, telling him that it’s a different world today than when I was his age and that almost a days ride doesn’t go by where I don’t experience some threat from an uncaring, distracted or simply clueless driver that requires some level of evasive action on my part, and quite frankly, I don’t trust these idiot drivers here in Southern California. I put my life on the line every day I ride but it is my decision and I pretty much understand the risks. I have even stopped trying to coax my wife to join me on rides because she has always had a little bit of fear of riding and absolutely cringes when at highway speeds. I thought the Ultra would help her overcome that but although she did give it a try, it just didn’t seem to work for her. But that’s for another post, another day.

So my son understands my feelings on this and has completely stopped lobbying me for the Dyna, but what he doesn’t really know is how much I wish we could make it happen. I don’t think I could live with myself if the unthinkable happened so I guess I live many a day with a lesser regret and one in which I have learned to accept, even if begrudgingly.

I know there are many fathers out there that have had to deal with this very issue. I’d be curious to know how you reasoned your decision, one way or the other. Oh, and for those of you who say that he could just go out and get licensed on his own, maybe someday he will, and once he reaches that point, it will be of his own doing and not through my encouragement. I think that his knowing how is mother and I feel will keep him from doing that, at least in the short term.

Thanks for reading, comments welcome.
Dan

 

At 21, if he is not irresponsible, I would let him ride. You did not sell the Dyna because he asked you not to. What has changed other than you don't want to spend your life feeling sorry and blaming yourself. I understand the feeling but we have to let our children go at some point.

My son rides and we take trips together and this riding together has been an irreplaceable bonding experience. He also does things that are a lot more dangerous than motorcycle riding. I know when one reads about the accidents it is very scary but when taking into account the number of accidents and the number of riders the odds of getting into a serious life altering accident are not very high. They are actually quite good.

I would leave it up to him if you trust his judgement, and you should.

 

My dad grew up on motorcycles and has lost friends in accidents on them but with his love of motorcycles and wanting me to have the same love and enjoyment he had, he put me on my first dirtbike when I was 5. We rode dirt together until I was old enough for the street and are still riding together (I'm 31). My brother is 23 and was brought up the same way.

While I understand your situation with having 2 sons myself (5 and 6 years old) I don't even like watching them jump a ramp in the back yard on their bicycles. I can't imagine how I'll feel when they start riding things with engines and they will and I'll teach them everything I know just like my dad did.

It's unfortunate that your son will probably get on a motorcycle one day and have to start from the beginning learning on these streets now-a-days which are different even just from when I started riding. The best you can do is support him in every way you can. If he does want to ride, he will, but I would be in the motorcycle safety course right next to him when he starts.

 

My only son died when he was 11. I would give my left one to be able to ride with him. He would be 23 if he had lived and I would have been right there with a bike for him. Have him take the safety course then make some memories.

 

My in-laws have fueled a passion within my son for riding. From about 7 he has been driving snow mobiles, 4 wheelers and a 250 Yamaha. We spent more time together than I ever remember spending with both of my parents combined. My son and daughter are my most prized possesions and I would not put them in harm's way. When my daughter headed off to college and this year moved into her own apartment, I came to the realization that I have to trust that God has guided me in raising them and it's time for them to make their own decisions. I still have some input with my son because he is 17, but all you can really do is guide them the best you can. My son is going to the MRC next week. He is like his grandpa, and can and will ride anything. I pushed him towards the riding course because I want him to learn some of the "Hows and Whys" of riding. We all know the risks. My son wants to ride and the best way I can help him is to get him into the course. You can't protect them forever and I have come to find out, the more I try to shelter them from "harm" the slower they have learned some of life's important lessons. Safety and Sheltering are two very different things. Rambling over.

No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

 

Get a small bike, maybe even a dirt bike, get some training, see how he does.

 

My dad had a similar discussion with me when I became of age to ride (he was into Flatheads). Guess there is only so much advice to give because I ended up riding K-model Sporty and graduated to pans. He and my mom were worried and expressed the same misgivings as you. Think that at some point you just have to let go and believe you did all you could in raising him and trust that your guidance will ensure he makes the right decisions when things go to critical mass.

 

This is the only section of your post that REALLY stands out to me.

I think at 21 years old and with a Father like you to guide him that he should have that chance to ride. At his age it really should be his decision as well.

Being a Father myself I know where you are coming from. I love my daughter dearly but when the time comes and if she wants to learn; I'll teach her.

Many things in this world can happen. A riding accident is just one.
If your Son only wants to ride because he thinks it will be a good bonding experience; well he could be right or you could find another hobby that you can enjoy together.

 

Dude, are you really reading what your saying??? Have you always practiced "do as I say, not as I do" parenting? If so, how has that worked out for ya? Stupid as hell. Let the kid ride. If you don't, he'll probably do it anyway and ride without you. That'll be your "reward". If you think riding is too dangerous in todays world, the best way to show it (saying it has zero impact) is by selling both bikes and quit riding yourself!

 

Dan...I have 3 daughters. 22.19.14.none ride but one keeps bringing it up..I totally get your feelings....but have no clue as how to handle it. So, I just ignore it.