Times have changed. I graduated from high school in 58. The rule in our house was that if you stayed home after that, you paid room and board. I had many jobs from the time I was 10. I had my own lawn mowing buisness where I had 40 regular customers when I was 12. I did farm work and had a paper route. I even worked for a house painter one summer.

So when I graduated from high school at 17 years old, I took a job working in a factory building grain dryers 50 miles away. At that age, if your parents have any rules at all, you want to get away from them and go it on your own rules. I had enough money to buy a new bike when I got out of high school, and did not own a car until the next winter. All four of our kids have a strong work ethic they learned from there mother and I. I use to take them to work with me when I was traveling doing electronics work for a communications company. They learned that they did not want to work 12 hour days if they didn't have to. LOL.

 

What is wrong with the KID getting a mail job, flipping burgers or working at UPS? They are ALL paid jobs. Some kind of job is better than sitting around sponging off his parents. He is not trying to better himself by going to college or attending a trade school. Enabling a 21 year old "child" is why these United States is falling behind other countries such as China, Japan and Mexico, yes Mexico, where good work ethics are instilled their children. They work hard for little or no money while going to school to better themselves. Good parents do not allow their kids to sit home without contributing to society. If the OP's healthy stepchild cannot find a job after ACTUALLY LOOKING he should volunteer his time instead of sitting in front of the boob tube or playing Xbox while his parents are working hard to make a good life, including adding mods to the bike, for the remainder of their time here on earth. My opinion, for what it is worth, is when the OP and his wife leave for work they should lock the kid out of the house with the want ads in hand. When they return from a hard day on the job he can come back into the "nice warm house" until the next day. Repeat this every day until he comes back with news that he has a JOB or has been admitted to some sort of educational institution. Sorry about the rant but this story is way too common and is disturbing.

 

Humm! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Yes, the economy stinks but come on the "kid" can do something even without work experience. He can offer to work for free then work his a$$ off in the hope that his employer will offer him a paid job. If no paid job is offered, at a minimum, he will have gained some experience which he can put on a resume. To blame the poor economy is a cop out. He is young and some experience, whether for pay or not, is better than none. Let's get real, parents for the past 20 years are from a "let's be friends" generation rather than their parents generation of you do as I say so long as you live under my roof. No excuses - he needs to get a job, get into school, or be asked to leave. Sorry again for the rant.

 

maybe you can sell the kid on the slave market!! take the money you get from him (if any!) and buy yourself your mods. tell the wife the kid joined the french foreign legion, and have yourself a beer!!





now wake up! I had the same problem for years, even threatened bodily harm, (which wasn't a threat!!) and it sill did nothing, I told the wife to choose, the kid or me, knowing that blood is thicker than water, we managed to help him move in with a brother. I don't know if you have that option, but if you start to help him with his own place (cheaper in the long run, by my calculations) you might get his *** out the door! by the way, my step son applied for the bump on the log, job, and was turned down as being unqualified!!

 

All right already.......this post is driving me nuts. LOOK. There's been some good advice, and some wise cracking as usual, but I'm gonna draw the bottom line.....

If you do nothing, your a gone-er. This mess will not get better, or go away. Hiding in the garage and working on your bike is a fine way to cope if your willing to live the rest of your life in denial. I'll even admit to you it's better then murder and life behind bars. BUT dude, it's not going to fix your mess.

What you need is have a big meeting, formulate a very specific plan, one that has rock solid time frame elements, and form a understanding with all parties....the plans goal being, Jr moving out.

Hell write out a contract and all three of you guys sign the damn thing. After all's understood and perfectly clear....work toward the desired ending........

This will get the ball rolling, you'll be able to check of benchmarks as they pass, and then when the allotted time has passed.....the monkey will be all on jr's back, if he's failed to find that job, save that money, or what ever was agreed upon.

He's gone, you and the mrs have done your best and there it is.

The longest journey begins with the first step........MAKE THE FIRST STEP.

 

you have no idea what you're dealing with here, you're dealing with a mother. not the deadbeat kid. all of what you say is dependent on mom going along with the consequences of jr staying as he is. I can almost guarantee she won't do that. thats the problem here, thro the kid into the street, let him pick himself up, ya right, over moms dead body, no doubt. contract. Ha!! only one person here going to pay heed to that!! what ya gonna do? sue? I thought I would intimidate the kid, (I have priors for that very talent, professionally speaking!) I got nowhere you think you're gonna quick fix this? I laugh!! dude the guy is screwed, will have to sharpen up on his patience, and pray mom give in enough to allow some sort of compromise that jr will follow up with and dad won't snap! My kid didn't leave until he was 28, hope this works out for the OP

 

I'm gonna guess you didn't read this whole post. My original entry, suggested that the kid had to go.....and so did his mother, if she was so stunted and short sighted to understand her allowing a dead beat adult to live off their income, would ruin her marriage. If you allowed a healthy son sponge off you until he was 28 tells me your a weak sister, and your wife's the boss.

I referred to a "contract", to get the OP, his wife and the kid on the same page. I never suggested that it could be used as a legal document. This is obviously a dysfunctional family. I'm suggesting an attempt at action. Your sending this guy your good wishes.....mighty nice of you.

 

Man I'm so broke lately I'm just happy to still have a bike.

 

I guess I see marriage as a little more valuable than dumping the wife as well as the kid. your easy solution will cost plenty more than supporting the kid until he's 30! marriage is "for better or worse" that includes dead beat kids, you seem very willing to tell the op to end his marriage, who the hell are you? where do you qualify yourself to tell him that? You seem to think you're so smart that you can think for others? and as far as calling people "sister" you are mighty brave sitting behind your keyboard, and saying anybody is boss. marriage is a team effort, you give, you take, and you're very careful to decide on which hill you die on. if you are so smart, where's the degree? wheres your experience in this? have you been the "boss" and threw your old lady out? sounds like she probably left with a smile on her face. You are way out of line buddy, and yes I wish him well, more than your are doing suggesting he throw his marriage away. easy for you to say huh!

 

this is all I have to say about this