Now this is getting rediculous!
#61
Times have changed. I graduated from high school in 58. The rule in our house was that if you stayed home after that, you paid room and board. I had many jobs from the time I was 10. I had my own lawn mowing buisness where I had 40 regular customers when I was 12. I did farm work and had a paper route. I even worked for a house painter one summer.
So when I graduated from high school at 17 years old, I took a job working in a factory building grain dryers 50 miles away. At that age, if your parents have any rules at all, you want to get away from them and go it on your own rules. I had enough money to buy a new bike when I got out of high school, and did not own a car until the next winter. All four of our kids have a strong work ethic they learned from there mother and I. I use to take them to work with me when I was traveling doing electronics work for a communications company. They learned that they did not want to work 12 hour days if they didn't have to. LOL.
So when I graduated from high school at 17 years old, I took a job working in a factory building grain dryers 50 miles away. At that age, if your parents have any rules at all, you want to get away from them and go it on your own rules. I had enough money to buy a new bike when I got out of high school, and did not own a car until the next winter. All four of our kids have a strong work ethic they learned from there mother and I. I use to take them to work with me when I was traveling doing electronics work for a communications company. They learned that they did not want to work 12 hour days if they didn't have to. LOL.
#62
You guys are ****ed up. Why dont you lead him the way to get a job or at least encourage him. 21 is a very young age and the only job out there is volunteer work, getting a mall job, flipping burgers, or working at UPS. How can your son get any skills if he doesn't have any.
If you dont motive him. Then he is not gonna do ****.
How is cutting someone off going to prove? Obviously the boy couldn't fend for himself if you did kick him out. So it's ok to see your step son or any family member homeless, while you are sitting in your nice warm home.
Im not sure what kind of parenting skills are those but those aren't parenting skills to me.
If he is that bad then you should tell your wife
If you dont motive him. Then he is not gonna do ****.
How is cutting someone off going to prove? Obviously the boy couldn't fend for himself if you did kick him out. So it's ok to see your step son or any family member homeless, while you are sitting in your nice warm home.
Im not sure what kind of parenting skills are those but those aren't parenting skills to me.
If he is that bad then you should tell your wife
#63
Humm! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Yes, the economy stinks but come on the "kid" can do something even without work experience. He can offer to work for free then work his a$$ off in the hope that his employer will offer him a paid job. If no paid job is offered, at a minimum, he will have gained some experience which he can put on a resume. To blame the poor economy is a cop out. He is young and some experience, whether for pay or not, is better than none. Let's get real, parents for the past 20 years are from a "let's be friends" generation rather than their parents generation of you do as I say so long as you live under my roof. No excuses - he needs to get a job, get into school, or be asked to leave. Sorry again for the rant.
#64
maybe you can sell the kid on the slave market!! take the money you get from him (if any!) and buy yourself your mods. tell the wife the kid joined the french foreign legion, and have yourself a beer!!
now wake up! I had the same problem for years, even threatened bodily harm, (which wasn't a threat!!) and it sill did nothing, I told the wife to choose, the kid or me, knowing that blood is thicker than water, we managed to help him move in with a brother. I don't know if you have that option, but if you start to help him with his own place (cheaper in the long run, by my calculations) you might get his *** out the door! by the way, my step son applied for the bump on the log, job, and was turned down as being unqualified!!
now wake up! I had the same problem for years, even threatened bodily harm, (which wasn't a threat!!) and it sill did nothing, I told the wife to choose, the kid or me, knowing that blood is thicker than water, we managed to help him move in with a brother. I don't know if you have that option, but if you start to help him with his own place (cheaper in the long run, by my calculations) you might get his *** out the door! by the way, my step son applied for the bump on the log, job, and was turned down as being unqualified!!
#65
All right already.......this post is driving me nuts. LOOK. There's been some good advice, and some wise cracking as usual, but I'm gonna draw the bottom line.....
If you do nothing, your a gone-er. This mess will not get better, or go away. Hiding in the garage and working on your bike is a fine way to cope if your willing to live the rest of your life in denial. I'll even admit to you it's better then murder and life behind bars. BUT dude, it's not going to fix your mess.
What you need is have a big meeting, formulate a very specific plan, one that has rock solid time frame elements, and form a understanding with all parties....the plans goal being, Jr moving out.
Hell write out a contract and all three of you guys sign the damn thing. After all's understood and perfectly clear....work toward the desired ending........
This will get the ball rolling, you'll be able to check of benchmarks as they pass, and then when the allotted time has passed.....the monkey will be all on jr's back, if he's failed to find that job, save that money, or what ever was agreed upon.
He's gone, you and the mrs have done your best and there it is.
The longest journey begins with the first step........MAKE THE FIRST STEP.
If you do nothing, your a gone-er. This mess will not get better, or go away. Hiding in the garage and working on your bike is a fine way to cope if your willing to live the rest of your life in denial. I'll even admit to you it's better then murder and life behind bars. BUT dude, it's not going to fix your mess.
What you need is have a big meeting, formulate a very specific plan, one that has rock solid time frame elements, and form a understanding with all parties....the plans goal being, Jr moving out.
Hell write out a contract and all three of you guys sign the damn thing. After all's understood and perfectly clear....work toward the desired ending........
This will get the ball rolling, you'll be able to check of benchmarks as they pass, and then when the allotted time has passed.....the monkey will be all on jr's back, if he's failed to find that job, save that money, or what ever was agreed upon.
He's gone, you and the mrs have done your best and there it is.
The longest journey begins with the first step........MAKE THE FIRST STEP.
#66
All right already.......this post is driving me nuts. LOOK. There's been some good advice, and some wise cracking as usual, but I'm gonna draw the bottom line.....
If you do nothing, your a gone-er. This mess will not get better, or go away. Hiding in the garage and working on your bike is a fine way to cope if your willing to live the rest of your life in denial. I'll even admit to you it's better then murder and life behind bars. BUT dude, it's not going to fix your mess.
What you need is have a big meeting, formulate a very specific plan, one that has rock solid time frame elements, and form a understanding with all parties....the plans goal being, Jr moving out.
Hell write out a contract and all three of you guys sign the damn thing. After all's understood and perfectly clear....work toward the desired ending........
This will get the ball rolling, you'll be able to check of benchmarks as they pass, and then when the allotted time has passed.....the monkey will be all on jr's back, if he's failed to find that job, save that money, or what ever was agreed upon.
He's gone, you and the mrs have done your best and there it is.
The longest journey begins with the first step........MAKE THE FIRST STEP.
If you do nothing, your a gone-er. This mess will not get better, or go away. Hiding in the garage and working on your bike is a fine way to cope if your willing to live the rest of your life in denial. I'll even admit to you it's better then murder and life behind bars. BUT dude, it's not going to fix your mess.
What you need is have a big meeting, formulate a very specific plan, one that has rock solid time frame elements, and form a understanding with all parties....the plans goal being, Jr moving out.
Hell write out a contract and all three of you guys sign the damn thing. After all's understood and perfectly clear....work toward the desired ending........
This will get the ball rolling, you'll be able to check of benchmarks as they pass, and then when the allotted time has passed.....the monkey will be all on jr's back, if he's failed to find that job, save that money, or what ever was agreed upon.
He's gone, you and the mrs have done your best and there it is.
The longest journey begins with the first step........MAKE THE FIRST STEP.
#67
you have no idea what you're dealing with here, you're dealing with a mother. not the deadbeat kid. all of what you say is dependent on mom going along with the consequences of jr staying as he is. I can almost guarantee she won't do that. thats the problem here, thro the kid into the street, let him pick himself up, ya right, over moms dead body, no doubt. contract. Ha!! only one person here going to pay heed to that!! what ya gonna do? sue? I thought I would intimidate the kid, (I have priors for that very talent, professionally speaking!) I got nowhere you think you're gonna quick fix this? I laugh!! dude the guy is screwed, will have to sharpen up on his patience, and pray mom give in enough to allow some sort of compromise that jr will follow up with and dad won't snap! My kid didn't leave until he was 28, hope this works out for the OP
I referred to a "contract", to get the OP, his wife and the kid on the same page. I never suggested that it could be used as a legal document. This is obviously a dysfunctional family. I'm suggesting an attempt at action. Your sending this guy your good wishes.....mighty nice of you.
#69
I'm gonna guess you didn't read this whole post. My original entry, suggested that the kid had to go.....and so did his mother, if she was so stunted and short sighted to understand her allowing a dead beat adult to live off their income, would ruin her marriage. If you allowed a healthy son sponge off you until he was 28 tells me your a weak sister, and your wife's the boss.
I referred to a "contract", to get the OP, his wife and the kid on the same page. I never suggested that it could be used as a legal document. This is obviously a dysfunctional family. I'm suggesting an attempt at action. Your sending this guy your good wishes.....mighty nice of you.
I referred to a "contract", to get the OP, his wife and the kid on the same page. I never suggested that it could be used as a legal document. This is obviously a dysfunctional family. I'm suggesting an attempt at action. Your sending this guy your good wishes.....mighty nice of you.
Last edited by harleycharlie1992; 12-23-2011 at 07:57 PM.