i drink therefore ,yes more than i care to talk about.

 

I plead the fifth, many times over.

 

According to the wife, I do stupid things on a daily basis...I really cant recall foolish things but I am sure with all confidence in my capabilities I have. The line between stupid and foolish seems to be in the "getting caught" aspect. So, more than likely I will continue to do stupid things and try really hard not to cross the line into getting caught only to look foolish.

 

The thread about belts reminded me of this one.......
Me and a buddy at a stoplight, nobody around except my wife and another friend on their own bikes behind us. He starts revving as the light starts to change. My Electra-Glide just sat there idling until it went green. Then I rolled the throttle all the way back and dumped the clutch. Lifted that "tuna boat" in a huge wheelie all the way across the intersection, while my buddy sat there with his jaw dropped open. When I went for second gear, I thought I missed a shift. I didn't.

He and the others pulled up a few seconds later and handed me my broken drive belt.

 

I had to work one saturday, so I decided I would get in early get my work done and take the extra long way home to get in some seat time. I finish my work jump on the scoot and head for the main drag but its got detour signs up, i figure their workin on the bridge so I'll slip thru the back way around the detour and hit main street. I rode up the side street rolled thru the stop and onto the main drag, 100 feet along I realize i'm in the middle of a parade, no way out gotta ride all the way thru town. Felt like an ***.

 

Anyone ride a motorcycle long enough is bound to do something they will feel foolish about.

 

This past summer I pulled back up to my house facing the gararge after a day long ride and dismounted the bike. But I forgot to put the kickstand down. Yup......sure did....

 

Long ago in a galaxy far far away...
I was tending bar and wanted to go out for a "smoke" break. Went out and got in my buddy's car, smoked a joint and came back to work. Did this several times throughout the night. At the end of the night I told my buddy how much I liked his car and stereo... he tells me he didn't drive his car that night.
I was smoking pot in someone elses car. Dumbazz!

 

I have never really done anything stupid enough to be that embarrassed. Well except for the time when I dumped my Yamaha doing wheelies in a bar parking lot for a group of young girls...then had the gas tank get punctured and stuck on a rebar in the concrete and get soaked with gas and have the cops show up and walk into the bar and say "Ok which one of you is Evil Knievel?" That 's about it. Except for the time when I was riding along and this cute blond in a convertible pulls up next to me and we start talking back and forth and then the traffic ahead in my lane stops and I slammed into the back of some lady's car. Those two times are pretty much it.

I don't count the time I pulled into a Shell station to gas up and there was this really good looking girl gassing up giving me a big smile until I got off my bike and forgot to put the jiffy stand down and my bike fell over. Lots of people do that.

 

(I posted this on another message board a while back, hence the weird font. This is all true by the way. Enjoy )


1) Working in Ocean City, MD on the boardwalk as a game attendant (carney). I ran carnival games like "ring toss" and "whack-a-mole", **** like that. Required uniforms were stripped shirt, white pants.

After a night of partying, I let out a huge wet fart at work the next morning. It left a big yellow/brown stain on the ***-crack of my white pants. So, it was 100% obvious what it was. It took like an hour to get somebody to come replace me so I could go change. In the meantime, I had to continue working in front of hundreds of tourists.


2) In college (the second time, in my early 30's) I was dating a university faculty member. It was a Saturday morning and we were out in her car running errands. She had to make a quick stop at a colleague's house for whatever reason. I said I'd wait in the car.

Moments later, the bowels of hell started rumbling, and bam...another wet fart. Although, nothing was stopping the rest of it from exiting right then and there, so I had to find a ******* - fast! So I ran into her friend's house, and of course, they were sitting around drinking coffee wanting to chit-chat, and I'm bouncing around like Kramer from Seinfeld asking directions to the restroom.

Just at that moment, their huge German Shepherd dog got wind of the wet **** in my pants and had his nose in my ***-crack instantly. So, the gig was up, everyone knew what was going on. It was embarrassing as hell.


3) Third time, just a few years ago in Hawaii. The OL and I are there for a week on the Big Island. Rented a nice little house away from most of the tourists, etc. The last day, our flight was the red-eye out of Kailua-Kona, so we had to lock up the house and leave the key mid-morning and find something to do all day. (You know where this is going, right?)

Well, the night before were many mai-tai's and other assorted fruity, gooey boat drinks, along with a huge meal. And of course, there was papaya and mango for breakfast, lots of it.

We're heading down the Queen K highway and bam - not just a wet fart this time boys, I literally **** my pants (shorts) big time. It was bad.

I was driving and had to pull over immediately, obviously. Because we had no house or no room any longer, there was no going back there, it was locked up. So, that meant I had to find a public restroom to clean myself up. And remember, this is mid-morning, I've got the rest of the day, then a 7 hour red-eye flight to Denver, CO.

I seriously considered paying for a hotel room just for a few hours to be able to clean myself up. But, this is Hawaii, and the Big Island of Hawaii, which, if you've never been there, is very rural. It also would have meant turning around and heading another 20 or 30 miles back into town and paying hundreds of dollars for a room, if I could even find one. And, what was I supposed to do that entire time, wallow in my own ****???? lol (yeah, I'm laughing now)

Luckily, I found a public restroom just off the main road at a little shopping plaza. And even better, the door locked. So, I took a beach towel, cut it up into three or four pieces to use as wash towels, grabbed some left over shampoo from our bags (that's all we had), and went for it. I was in there for almost an hour. People kept knocking, but I had to do what I had to do.

Lesson: Don't **** yourself while on vacation after you've checked out of your room, condo or house.