Sorry to hear about your loss. All I can say is take it one day at a time, we are all stonger than we think we are. Hang in there.

 

Take heart in that because of Him your loved one will live in eternity. There is a quote that I like that says " To live in the hearts that we leave behind is to never die". Help your family always remember and love those who have gone on to live with Our Lord.

Peace

 

Sorry to hear this and it is more difficult around Holidays. My friend I can tell you it does get easier, extremely tuff right now, but it is these times that make you all closer.

 

I know when you lose someone you love,especially at this time of year, It's easy to lose faith. Time it seems,Is what usually heals the hurt. Just try to keep being strong. God bless.

 

Sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

+1

Just be there for them, my prayers are out to you and your family.

 

Know it is ok to be mad. Don't let anyone tell you when it happens - there isn't an ounce of anger that runs thru them. Cry, Scream, punch garage walls, curse God - do what ever it is you need to do. Grieving is personal and everyone does it differently. You say you have to be the strong one. I too know that roll - when my Dad died April 2006 - I had to be strong. But was torn up inside.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take your time. Grieve the way you need to. This thread was a great way to start. In time - you will be able to remember the good times - the great times - the funny stuff that happened. But right now - I understand why you can not. God Bless Hun. You take good care of yourself and know the way you feel is perfectly ok. Your in my prayers.

 

I lost my brother recently, and I DO understand your pain. Every time the "gang" gets together, we talk about him, the person he was and how he affected our lives, his spirit is with us on every run, we keep him with us through the stories and sometimes is does bring up tears, but it does help heal the pain.

 

One thing I've found over the years at times like you're going through people are not looking for solutions, just sympathy. They just need someone to listen. If that's not a strong suit for you listen to what they say and repeat it back to them rephased as a question to verify what you heard is what they said. Don't be silly about it and simply parrot what they say but rather you're trying to understand exactly what they said.

It really does two things. One it helps you understand exactly where they are coming from. What they need is understanding. That means a feeling that you understood what they said. Much of that is simply validation. Perhaps more importantly it helps them work through conflicted emotions. Often hearing it makes the conflict obvious. An prime example is suicides, particularly for those it's directed at. There is often anger that someone they love would do such a spiteful and hurtful thing to them while at the same time they feel somehow responsible and that they somehow failed someone they love. There you really want them to accept that they were in over their head and they need to accept their limits. If they say something indicating they are feeling guilt or remorse don't say "So you feel responsible..." but instead "Do you think there was something more you could have done" followed up with "What more do you think you could have done".

It's an emotional time and you can't expect people to be particularly rational, but they didn't sudden become insane. They are grief stricken, there's a differance. Within their own minds, fretting and stewing, they can make some giant leaps. Saying those things to someone else, even in their grief, makes them think about just how perposterous much of it is. When it comes to deaths a sense of guilt does, by far, the most damage. If that's present you have to deal with it.

The sense of loss, the empty feeling, the void left by their passing, that certainly hurts. There is nothing wrong with just setting down a crying. Letting those emotions out leaves you in a better position to deal with others and can help them do the same. Overall it is just a wound that takes time to heal and unlikely to turn into a long-term problem. It is things like a sense of guilt that can fester and turn into a serious long-term problem. Guilt is not the only thing that can fester, things like fear can as well, but grief generally does not.

Since you have your own grief that you are having trouble dealing with you might want to consider grief counselling. If you are active in a church then certainly your clergyman would be a good start. It's a time consuming process and best done with those you are greaving with. It goes faster as a group. You aren't going to get much setting down and talking to a stranger. You're going to have to talk to them enough to make a connection so you no longer view them as a stranger. That's part of why a group works better, you tend to assimulate them into your group and they tend to mainly facilitate interaction within the group rather than being the focus as they would be one on one.

Depending on the situation you can likely work through the grief. Things like suicide or accidental deaths where the individual in a contributing factor if not the cause are a bit much for an individual to work through without a bit of help. They are traumatic experiences and go a bit beyond what most would have the facilities to cope with on their own. So you need to realistically assess the situation and whether it is something you can just work through. Don't simply dismiss counselling as something for crazy people. They are not snake oil salesmen, they do a legitimate job that you may or may not need. Realistically assess whether you do need it and not simply whether you think you should need it.

 

Sorry to hear about your loss, my condolences.

Here's something you might consider...
When the father in law died, there was tremedous pain and sadness in the family. I found what really helped was when I decided to write a Eulogy for him. We got together with the family and everyone shared their memories and good times they had. I was typing and taking it down. I put together a very nice tribute for him and delivered it at the funeral. I found that when everyone was concentrating on the positive it really helped.