Don't forget to drag the new vest or jacket through dust so that the patches don't look like they've all just been bought and sewn on. Nothing says new rider like pure white on your patches.
He he he, this thread has made me chuckle especially this one.
Also OP make sure your mom never washs your vest/kutt with your other washing as it will come out like new and all your kudos youve built up will be lost.
To go with your vest, maybe you could get a sign like that other Goober that says "Never mind the dog, beware of the owner". Then you would be almost complete.
and one that says "I don't dial 911" with the barrel of a gun...