I talked to my wife this morning about that new motorcycle purchase I had planned for this Spring, saying that I had found the right bike and would pick it up this week.

Since my accident last February, totaling the S/E Road Glide (see sig line,) I don't have a bike to ride out of state currently. The rebuilt bike now has 147,000 miles on it and the BMW that I bought to ride while I rebuilt the Harley is a band aid fix that served its purpose, but isn't my kind of ride.

So I found the big touring bike like I had before the wreck, and will trade the Beemer while forking over $12,000 to complete the sale. That's the whole reason I even bothered to mention it. I control the money but want to keep her in the loop too. We have no problem affording it.

It didn't go well. All kinds of "why are you bothering to tell me", and "you're jut going to do it anyway" etc, and I finally get told that since the wreck, she cries when I ride. (She must cry a lot since I commute to work about 50 weeks out of the year down here in NC.) She says she's obviously been hiding it from me. (Ahhh yeah, I guess so!)

She brings up the two deer strikes, one in the car, one into the side of the truck. The dog I tagged with the Road Glide, even the Interstate 77 accident from 11 years ago where an old man didn't look over his shoulder and pulled left into the side of our car, lost control getting back into his lane and crashed, killing his wife in the process. She is convinced that with me its not a matter of if, but when. All but the last occurred at 5:30 in the morning commuting to work through the woods.

The bike accident last February is the one that scared her. The pickup truck apparently assumed that there was no one on the State Hwy that he was supposed to stop at, so he ran the stop sign in the dark. He came out from behind a building at the corner at 50 mph and I hit him at about the same speed. It happened so fast that I didn't have a split second to react, he was just 'there'.

I woke up in the ambulance with my wife sitting there, had 9 techs/doctors in the trauma section of the Emergency ward at Duke working on me and spent the first night in the ICU hooked up to an 'arterial line' because my bruised heart wouldn't maintain a steady beat. I also had a broken shoulder, a cracked sternum, two broken thorasic ribs and a crushed right foot which required surgery to bolt back together. I still suffer from 'ischeal tuberosity' (I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time from hemotomas in my buttocks) and I walk with a mild limp at times. I can see how much I scared her.

But I had a bike before I had a car back in '69. I've owned more bikes than I can remember off the top of my head. Owned my own aftermarket bike shop too (for 7 years,) and have worked for (4) HD Dealerships over the years. As my grown daughter has said, it was never a question in her mind that I'd be back on a bike after that wreck.

I can't blame her for feeling he way she feels of course. I can't blame me for having motorcycles in my DNA. You get what you pay for...For better or for worse....blah, blah blah. I don't see a happy outcome. And writing here is good for me.

But this isn't good.

 

And she is probably correct, right?

Wow, I've never seen so much bad luck for one person.
Like a magnet to accidents.

This has to be hard on both of you.

Not sure what I would do in your shoes.

 

You're still here to tell the story, so why shouldn't you continue

 

sounds alot like my story, had bikes long before having a car and really didn't want a car. been riding since i have been 12 and also had two many bikes to remember them all. but this past september i crashed hard, really hard. this wan't my first crash mind you, but it was the worse . broken back, head injury and left leg amputation. wife use to ride quite a bit with me over the last 37 years, but now she says she's never riding again. i may end up on a trike , but i'm gonna try and get in the wind again. i have been telling her you can't run away from life, you have to live it. but then again i didn't have to sit and watch me on life support for 33 days before coming back, so i don't know maybe i'm wrong telling her not to worry. she may come around, but i could never forgive myself if she ever got hurt on the back so i'm not going to push the issue. all i tell someone is to enjoy life, it's pretty short.

 

I had an accident in October. Nowhere near as bad as yours. Wife was still apprehensive about me riding too. You just have to talk it out. Let her have her feelings, let her express them.

 

Bad luck or just numbers perhaps. Those animal strikes all occurred since we moved out into the country and all happened in the wee hours (5:30 a.m.). And I expose myself to a full 20,000 miles per year on the bike too. But the dark, early a.m. commute here in the woods is where I experience the greatest risk obviously. Up until last year, I was accident free on motorcycles for 40 plus years and maybe 400,000 to 500,000 miles of riding. I could stop commuting on the bike, and drive the truck but then I lose the lions share of those excellent rides home in the afternoon too.

It sucks.

It would have been better I think if she'd shown some of these concerns before this morning's 'discussion'. (Of course I wasn't looking for her concerns before this either.)

 

From a wife's perspective.....My DH had a serious wreck last January...broken back, brain bleed, all ribs broken more than once. It was bad. I knew he was going to get back on a bike and totally understood why but that didn't keep me from seeing his dead, crumpled body in my sleep! I never want to get THAT phone call again!

His wreck happened in work traffic on his way home. At the time, he was working so much that riding to work was sometimes his only chance to ride. That's also some of the most dangerous times to ride, everyone is tired and anxious to get home, or pissed off because of the traffic. Mornings are no better. It's dark, it's hard to see the road, people aren't fully awake yet and definitely not looking for bikes. The thought of him riding during this time scared me to death!

So we compromised, he doesn't ride back and forth to work unless it's outside 'work traffic' times. As a rider myself, I understand the need to ride and the dangers we all take and accept them. But as a wife I still fear for him every time he leaves the house! It's gotten better over the past year but still there.

You said yourself alot of your riding is commuting. Find out if there's any particular time she worries more than others, some activity that worries her more than others. Maybe ya'll can come to a similar compromise to ours. But whatever you do, please don't just blow her off. Rational or not, the fears she has are very real to her.

 

Thank you Dee....

 

Maybe that's part of a happy medium. Controlling the risk as best you can? I always say you can't debate feelings, they are what they are. "I feel scared every time you ride", "I feel at my best/happiest when riding", you can't argue these things, you can only respect, empathize, or understand them even if you have an opposing view.

The key is to ensure she understands how much of a roll riding plays in your mental well being and motivation to recuperate. And it sounds like she might since she's been holding this in until now. Then perhaps you can find some reasonable practices like you not riding in high risk environments like dusk, dark, deer rut season

Good luck to you. My wife is more resigned right now I think

 

Maybe you should consider taking the car/truck to work and ride only on weekends. It might help ease her mind some. I know about hitting animals, a deer jump in front of me 5 yrs ago, early morning 6 am. I'm sure glad I rode my truck that morning instead of my harley. Just my 2 cents worth.