Wife cries when I ride....This isn't good :(
#41
01-17-2015, 07:49 PM
Cruiser
#42
01-17-2015, 08:22 PM
Some very thoughtful, sincere comments. While I've never had an accident, my wife still worries. Perhaps I can offer a few perspectives.
1. While this is utterly off topic, maybe because it IS off topic, it might help. A friend of mine, same age (60's) lost his wife to breast cancer several years ago. More recently, as we would all hope, he met a lovely lady and has remarried. However, before they tied the knot, they had "the talk". He told her: "I'm an avid golfer. I love to golf. It's all I think about all winter long, and all summer I play every weekend with a bunch of guys I've known for decades. It's part of me. My playing golf on weekends is not negotiable. It's part of the package. If you can't live with that, or, even worse, if you think you can change it, we're not a match". She said she already knew that, was fine with it, and they're as happy as they can be.
I assume you may not have had this talk with your wife when you first married, but there's no doubt now, she knows. She knows. She knows this is part of you, and that's why she's scared.
2. Let's assume an identical situation to your crash, except you were driving your car. Same intersection, same time of day, same speed, same other vehicle, and the other vehicle t-boned you and you suffered severe, life threatening injuries. Would she want to you start riding your bike instead of the car? Yes, I know the chances of injury are worse on a bike than in a cage, but that's not the point. You can't eliminate all risk, no matter what your vehicle is.
As all the female posters have urged, you need to talk. You need to let her know that you understand that she's scared, but although there are no guarantees that you're going to live forever no matter what you do, you'll do what you can to help her worry less. And then try to figure something out.
My first thought was don't ride to work in the dark. The obvious problem there is that if you drive to work in your car, you're not riding home on a bike. Here's a thought, and obviously I have no idea if this will work with your company, but can you start work later, when it's light, and work a bit later so you put in the same hours? Reverse when daylight savings time changes back and forth so it will be light both ways? Just a wild suggestion.
You're clearly a thoughtful guy, and I assume your wife knows that, so as long as you both stay away from ultimatums (lose-lose) I'm sure you'll work it out. Best of luck.
1. While this is utterly off topic, maybe because it IS off topic, it might help. A friend of mine, same age (60's) lost his wife to breast cancer several years ago. More recently, as we would all hope, he met a lovely lady and has remarried. However, before they tied the knot, they had "the talk". He told her: "I'm an avid golfer. I love to golf. It's all I think about all winter long, and all summer I play every weekend with a bunch of guys I've known for decades. It's part of me. My playing golf on weekends is not negotiable. It's part of the package. If you can't live with that, or, even worse, if you think you can change it, we're not a match". She said she already knew that, was fine with it, and they're as happy as they can be.
I assume you may not have had this talk with your wife when you first married, but there's no doubt now, she knows. She knows. She knows this is part of you, and that's why she's scared.
2. Let's assume an identical situation to your crash, except you were driving your car. Same intersection, same time of day, same speed, same other vehicle, and the other vehicle t-boned you and you suffered severe, life threatening injuries. Would she want to you start riding your bike instead of the car? Yes, I know the chances of injury are worse on a bike than in a cage, but that's not the point. You can't eliminate all risk, no matter what your vehicle is.
As all the female posters have urged, you need to talk. You need to let her know that you understand that she's scared, but although there are no guarantees that you're going to live forever no matter what you do, you'll do what you can to help her worry less. And then try to figure something out.
My first thought was don't ride to work in the dark. The obvious problem there is that if you drive to work in your car, you're not riding home on a bike. Here's a thought, and obviously I have no idea if this will work with your company, but can you start work later, when it's light, and work a bit later so you put in the same hours? Reverse when daylight savings time changes back and forth so it will be light both ways? Just a wild suggestion.
You're clearly a thoughtful guy, and I assume your wife knows that, so as long as you both stay away from ultimatums (lose-lose) I'm sure you'll work it out. Best of luck.
Last edited by IdahoHacker; 01-17-2015 at 08:25 PM.
#44
01-17-2015, 09:29 PM
Road Warrior
Did you ever ask yourself why you get in so many accidents and most other people don't? I mean, I know people who just seem to know when it's coming and how to avoid it, and there's others who just aren't aware of what might happen next so they've got into a lot of accidents. In every case these guys will say "Oh, there was nothing I could do..."
But some people are just not aware, or lack foresight. Now that I've said that I'll probably get hit next time I go for a ride, cuz I know I'm not immune you know? But a lot of the guys I used to ride with would unconsciously take chances and get into trouble. I'm just wondering if you should rethink the way you ride? Or maybe stick to pleasure rides on quiet country roads?
But some people are just not aware, or lack foresight. Now that I've said that I'll probably get hit next time I go for a ride, cuz I know I'm not immune you know? But a lot of the guys I used to ride with would unconsciously take chances and get into trouble. I'm just wondering if you should rethink the way you ride? Or maybe stick to pleasure rides on quiet country roads?
#45
01-17-2015, 09:54 PM
Seasoned HDF Member
Did you ever ask yourself why you get in so many accidents and most other people don't? I mean, I know people who just seem to know when it's coming and how to avoid it, and there's others who just aren't aware of what might happen next so they've got into a lot of accidents. In every case these guys will say "Oh, there was nothing I could do..."
But some people are just not aware, or lack foresight. Now that I've said that I'll probably get hit next time I go for a ride, cuz I know I'm not immune you know? But a lot of the guys I used to ride with would unconsciously take chances and get into trouble. I'm just wondering if you should rethink the way you ride? Or maybe stick to pleasure rides on quiet country roads?
But some people are just not aware, or lack foresight. Now that I've said that I'll probably get hit next time I go for a ride, cuz I know I'm not immune you know? But a lot of the guys I used to ride with would unconsciously take chances and get into trouble. I'm just wondering if you should rethink the way you ride? Or maybe stick to pleasure rides on quiet country roads?
I talked to my wife this morning about that new motorcycle purchase I had planned for this Spring, saying that I had found the right bike and would pick it up this week.
Since my accident last February, totaling the S/E Road Glide (see sig line,) I don't have a bike to ride out of state currently. The rebuilt bike now has 147,000 miles on it and the BMW that I bought to ride while I rebuilt the Harley is a band aid fix that served its purpose, but isn't my kind of ride.
So I found the big touring bike like I had before the wreck, and will trade the Beemer while forking over $12,000 to complete the sale. That's the whole reason I even bothered to mention it. I control the money but want to keep her in the loop too. We have no problem affording it.
It didn't go well. All kinds of "why are you bothering to tell me", and "you're jut going to do it anyway" etc, and I finally get told that since the wreck, she cries when I ride. (She must cry a lot since I commute to work about 50 weeks out of the year down here in NC.) She says she's obviously been hiding it from me. (Ahhh yeah, I guess so!)
She brings up the two deer strikes, one in the car, one into the side of the truck. The dog I tagged with the Road Glide, even the Interstate 77 accident from 11 years ago where an old man didn't look over his shoulder and pulled left into the side of our car, lost control getting back into his lane and crashed, killing his wife in the process. She is convinced that with me its not a matter of if, but when. All but the last occurred at 5:30 in the morning commuting to work through the woods.
The bike accident last February is the one that scared her. The pickup truck apparently assumed that there was no one on the State Hwy that he was supposed to stop at, so he ran the stop sign in the dark. He came out from behind a building at the corner at 50 mph and I hit him at about the same speed. It happened so fast that I didn't have a split second to react, he was just 'there'.
I woke up in the ambulance with my wife sitting there, had 9 techs/doctors in the trauma section of the Emergency ward at Duke working on me and spent the first night in the ICU hooked up to an 'arterial line' because my bruised heart wouldn't maintain a steady beat. I also had a broken shoulder, a cracked sternum, two broken thorasic ribs and a crushed right foot which required surgery to bolt back together. I still suffer from 'ischeal tuberosity' (I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time from hemotomas in my buttocks) and I walk with a mild limp at times. I can see how much I scared her.
But I had a bike before I had a car back in '69. I've owned more bikes than I can remember off the top of my head. Owned my own aftermarket bike shop too (for 7 years,) and have worked for (4) HD Dealerships over the years. As my grown daughter has said, it was never a question in her mind that I'd be back on a bike after that wreck.
I can't blame her for feeling he way she feels of course. I can't blame me for having motorcycles in my DNA. You get what you pay for...For better or for worse....blah, blah blah. I don't see a happy outcome. And writing here is good for me.
But this isn't good.
Since my accident last February, totaling the S/E Road Glide (see sig line,) I don't have a bike to ride out of state currently. The rebuilt bike now has 147,000 miles on it and the BMW that I bought to ride while I rebuilt the Harley is a band aid fix that served its purpose, but isn't my kind of ride.
So I found the big touring bike like I had before the wreck, and will trade the Beemer while forking over $12,000 to complete the sale. That's the whole reason I even bothered to mention it. I control the money but want to keep her in the loop too. We have no problem affording it.
It didn't go well. All kinds of "why are you bothering to tell me", and "you're jut going to do it anyway" etc, and I finally get told that since the wreck, she cries when I ride. (She must cry a lot since I commute to work about 50 weeks out of the year down here in NC.) She says she's obviously been hiding it from me. (Ahhh yeah, I guess so!)
She brings up the two deer strikes, one in the car, one into the side of the truck. The dog I tagged with the Road Glide, even the Interstate 77 accident from 11 years ago where an old man didn't look over his shoulder and pulled left into the side of our car, lost control getting back into his lane and crashed, killing his wife in the process. She is convinced that with me its not a matter of if, but when. All but the last occurred at 5:30 in the morning commuting to work through the woods.
The bike accident last February is the one that scared her. The pickup truck apparently assumed that there was no one on the State Hwy that he was supposed to stop at, so he ran the stop sign in the dark. He came out from behind a building at the corner at 50 mph and I hit him at about the same speed. It happened so fast that I didn't have a split second to react, he was just 'there'.
I woke up in the ambulance with my wife sitting there, had 9 techs/doctors in the trauma section of the Emergency ward at Duke working on me and spent the first night in the ICU hooked up to an 'arterial line' because my bruised heart wouldn't maintain a steady beat. I also had a broken shoulder, a cracked sternum, two broken thorasic ribs and a crushed right foot which required surgery to bolt back together. I still suffer from 'ischeal tuberosity' (I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time from hemotomas in my buttocks) and I walk with a mild limp at times. I can see how much I scared her.
But I had a bike before I had a car back in '69. I've owned more bikes than I can remember off the top of my head. Owned my own aftermarket bike shop too (for 7 years,) and have worked for (4) HD Dealerships over the years. As my grown daughter has said, it was never a question in her mind that I'd be back on a bike after that wreck.
I can't blame her for feeling he way she feels of course. I can't blame me for having motorcycles in my DNA. You get what you pay for...For better or for worse....blah, blah blah. I don't see a happy outcome. And writing here is good for me.
But this isn't good.
There is your answer. Deer and dark, bad combination.
#46
01-17-2015, 11:03 PM
Roadghost asks above (re the OP):
[[ Did you ever ask yourself why you get in so many accidents and most other people don't? ]]
The OP's highway misfortunes remind me of a story about a man who pretty much had run up the record for being the person most struck by lightning. He had survived many strikes.
How did he eventually meet his end?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Sullivan
http://www.thunderstruk.com/story1.htm
[[ Did you ever ask yourself why you get in so many accidents and most other people don't? ]]
The OP's highway misfortunes remind me of a story about a man who pretty much had run up the record for being the person most struck by lightning. He had survived many strikes.
How did he eventually meet his end?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Sullivan
http://www.thunderstruk.com/story1.htm
#47
01-18-2015, 04:37 AM
I know it sounds like a lot, but I should note that these accidents didn't occur every other week in succession (I hope you all understand!)
After moving up into the woods (closest town 20 miles away,) I took the wife's car to work one day and the deer jumped out in front of me (2010.) It wasn't until 2 years later that I hit the dog with the bike, and though crash bar was damaged, I continued on unhurt.
Fully 2 years after that, the buck slammed into the Explorer, taking out the left side doors. (I never saw him, its DARK out here in the woods.) And then last year, after just moving closer to civilization, the guy in the pickup truck got me (just outside of town btw,) on the Road Glide. Taking out animal strikes, I've had one bad accident in the past decade, and that one IMO is the issue here. She threw out all the others for emphasis I believe.
We met in town last night on her way home from work at the store to do the weeks shopping and we always miss something. This time it was coffee filters. Guess I'll need to run down and pick some up this afternoon.....on the bike.
Thanks again.
After moving up into the woods (closest town 20 miles away,) I took the wife's car to work one day and the deer jumped out in front of me (2010.) It wasn't until 2 years later that I hit the dog with the bike, and though crash bar was damaged, I continued on unhurt.
Fully 2 years after that, the buck slammed into the Explorer, taking out the left side doors. (I never saw him, its DARK out here in the woods.) And then last year, after just moving closer to civilization, the guy in the pickup truck got me (just outside of town btw,) on the Road Glide. Taking out animal strikes, I've had one bad accident in the past decade, and that one IMO is the issue here. She threw out all the others for emphasis I believe.
We met in town last night on her way home from work at the store to do the weeks shopping and we always miss something. This time it was coffee filters. Guess I'll need to run down and pick some up this afternoon.....on the bike.
Thanks again.
#48
01-18-2015, 06:49 AM
Seasoned HDF Member
There is no absolute win-win situation here. I live in a very rural area so I am quite aware of the increased risk of encountering an animal. In the best of cases, this will involve compromise on both sides. Your wife understands that there is a risk, increased with the motorcycle versus the car. Your compromise, Stiggy, may be to only ride during daylight hours and/or during off-peak traffic hours.
The only thing you can do is to continue the discussion with your wife.
The only thing you can do is to continue the discussion with your wife.
#49
01-18-2015, 07:46 AM
Outstanding HDF Member
How about instead of getting the new bike, getting something fun to comute, no offence but jumping in a pickup for a sixty mile commute is not tempting to me with a Harley sitting next to it. Now a classic Corvette, something fun.
There are a lot of fun cars out there that can be had reasonable.
There are a lot of fun cars out there that can be had reasonable.
