Friday Funnies – Bad Economy
The best medicine for a bad day is laughter, the best medicine for a bad economy is even more laughter. With the stock market, Brexit, and other crazy items we might well laugh until we can’t breathe.
Q: What new chapter is S&P forecasting for the American Economy? A: Chapter 11
Q: Why might President Obama cancel his 50th birthday party? A: Because Republicans won’t even let Obama raise his age!
Q: How do you know when the stock market is volatile & unstable? A: The morning bell is rung by Britney Spears!
Q: Whats the best way to close our camp in Guantanamo Bay? A: Turn it into a BANK!
Q: What will happen if the DOW average falls any further? A: They’ll add a N to the end of it!
Q: When will you know the economy is bouncing back and good times are here again? A: Instead of just shooting animals for food, Sarah Palin is back shooting them for fun again!
Q: Why did the White House Turkey turn down his pardon? A: All of his money was in the market and he has nothing left to live for!
Q: Why are Women more pessimistic about the economy then Men? A: Because men are in charge of the economy!
Q: What is Barack Obama’s new slogan in these tough times? A: Spare Change You Can Believe In!
Q: Can Barack Obama’s economic policies create millions of new jobs? A: Yes, but they are all for Afghani soldiers!
Q: Why is it a bad sign that our camp in Guantanamo Bay is closing? A: The economy is so bad now that even the terrorists are losing their homes! Now that the S&P downgraded US Debt the White House said it’s working on a ‘plan B.’ Unfortunately, the B stands for “bake sale.”
Q: How do you know that the Debt Ceiling debate is a complete mess? A: Al Qaeda is trying to find a way to take credit for it!
Q: Why did the man think he saw a ghost on Halloween? A: A kid dressed up as a 401 (K)
Q: What are McDonald’s employees now asking customers? A: Can you afford fries with that?
Q: How has the economic downturn affected eating habits? A: The 5-second rule has turned into the 5 minute rule!
Q: How do you know when job market is getting worse? A: People forced to work for peanuts, can’t even do that!
Q: Why are people afraid of losing one hour of sleep because of daylight savings time? A: After losing their home, job, and 401k nothing scares them now!
Q: Why does President Obama think its good that gas prices have fallen? A: Because now people can afford to drive the cars they’re living in!
Q: Why did Senator Larry Craig miss the Stimulus package vote? A: He was in the mens room, introducing his own package!
Q: How do you know the economy is getting worse? A: People who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes!
Q: Why is the United States Congress and the porn industry always mentioned together? A: Between the porn industry and Congress, no one whose screwed more people!
Q: Why don’t we need Daylight Savings Time? A: Because President Bush has already turned the clocks back to 1929.
Q: Why do people believe in Bush’s pledge about turning around the economy? A: Because he will be out of office soon!
Q: How bad is the economy? A: Vice President Cheney took his stockbroker hunting!
Q: What does AIG stands for? A: Adventures in Greed!
Q: How do you know we have the wrong people in Washington? A: When they start asking Nicholas Cage for debt advice!
Q: What is Dick Cheney’s solution to this financial crisis? A: Approving waterboarding for stockbrokers and CEOs!’
Q: How do you know when stocks are getting cheap? A: Wall Street is called Wal-Mart Street.
Q: How is the bad economy affecting the Super Bowl? A: Instead of a coin toss they are now going to play rock, paper, scissors!
Q: How bad do economists think this global recession will get? A: So bad economists are starting to stimulate their own packages!
Q: How do you that the American people are in trouble? A: CEO’s and prostitutes are merging so they can screw the American people more efficiently!
Q: How is the bad economy affecting Dr. Seuss? A: Now he’s eating Green Eggs and Spam!
Q: Why is there no gold at the end of the rainbow? A: The Leprachan took it and sold it to Cash4Gold!
Q: Why did George Bush surprise people when pardoning the White House Turkey? A: No one expected the Turkey to be AIG & Citigroup!
Q: Why should we bail out the US auto industry? A: Because we’ll need cars for all the license plates, Wall Street brokers are making in jail!
Q: How bad is the economy is Las Vegas? A1: Somali Pirates now run the Treasure Island casino! A2: The tigers are eating Roy out of necessity! A3: A casino was turned into an Indian reservation! A4: Hookers are taking jobs as snow blowers
Q: Did you hear how bad the economy is in the Middle East? A: Yeah, Iraqis can only afford to throw one shoe at George W Bush!
Q: Why shouldn’t Bernard Madoff be investigated by congress? A: Because the guy who made 50 billion dollars disappear is being investigated by the guys who made $700 billion dollars disappear!
Q: Why isn’t the selling of corporate jets by the US Auto Industry good news? A: They are being bought by AIG!
Q: How is the bad economy affecting women in Beverly Hills? A: For the first time they are using the sun to get a tan!
Q: How bad is the economy? A1: Even people not associated with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes A2: Michael Phelps has to share a bong A3: Ben ate Jerry
Q: Why are people comparing the US Economy to the Detroit Lions? A: They both have two consecutive quarters of declining productivity!
Q: Why are more people flying US Airways? A: Because they are hoping geese hit the plane and they get $5000 dollars.
Q: Why are guys calling information in Bangkok? A: To save money on phone sex!
Q: How bad is the economy? A: When Bill and Hilary travel together they have to share a room!
Q: How do you know when the economy is getting worse? A: People start standing behind George W Bush just to get the free shoes!
Q: How can you know if your bank is hurting from the mortgage crisis? A: You try to cash a check and they tell you to come back with a gun!
Q: Why is Bed Bath and Beyond hurting during this economic downturn? A: Because gay guys are starting to buy unscented candles! How do you know celebrities are suffering in this tough economy? A1: Paris Hilton changed her name to Paris Red Roof Inn! A2: Heidi and Spencer actually had to get real jobs! A3: Brangelina (Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie) can only adopt 1 kid this year! A4: A-Rod had to switch from using steroids to flintstone vitamins! A5: P Diddy is now buying his bling at Kay Jewelers! A6: Rockstar Eddie Money’s new name is just Eddie A7: Heather Mills is now marrying guys for love! A8: Bill Maher is going to church to pray! A9: Amy Winehouse is clipping her nose hairs looking for that last little bit of cocaine! A10: Robin Leach has a new show “Lifestyles of the people who still have a job”
Q: What Does AIG stand for? A: And It’s Gone!
Q: Why is the stock market like Britney Spears? A: Yes, it made a nice comeback today, but at any moment, it could chug a Red Bull and shave its head and punch a photographer and we’ll be right back where we started.
Q: What will happen if the economy gets any worse? A: Well learn how to live off the land like Sarah Palin!
Q: Why isn’t Halloween “special” anymore? A: The lights are out, the windows are boarded up, the lawns aren’t cut. Everyday is Halloween in America now. The economy is so bad, I threw out bread for the birds and the roofers came down for it. If Earth is the third planet from the sun, doesn’t that make every country a third world country?